Invitation – Sleep – A Reflection

Invitation and Sleep are two short reflections authored by Ilia Kramarik and found on page 109 of Ilia’s epic book of art and prose titled The Future Never Gives Up…The featured image I choose for this reflection is from my TikTok for getting 1,000 likes on TikTok…Thank you TikTok for the silly crown…I knew I could be a silly ridiculous queen some day…In Invitation Ilia writes…”A cactus invites the dew.” and in Sleep Ilia writes…”Sleep is both a designer and a recycling garbage can of thoughts.” …Ilia at such a tender age as a young boy had such depth of perception and insight in his writings that will remain for all eternity beyond his years…The Cactus reflection is very self explanatory I once got pricked by a cactus and it hurt let me tell you…The Sleep reflection is more in depth and tis true when we sleep we often have dreams that we either forget or remember with a vivid recollection when we awake…Dreams are our brains way of processing thoughts that we have throughout the day and dreams can sometimes contain a mystical message we are meant to receive such as when we recall upon awaking vivid dreams about deceased loved ones or living loved ones whom we have not heard from in a long time…Sometimes random people can enter our dream state for no apparent reason at all…When I experience this I simply pray for those random people…Dreams happen when we sleep but we also pursue our dreams when we are awake by working towards specific goals…Naturally those in love often dream of their partner when apart…Dreams are common and the meaning of dreams is unique to each dreamer and how each person dreams varies too…Many do not have vivid dreams while sleeping while others do experience vivid dreams while asleep…As children it is vital to our development to have a loving upbringing because otherwise as adults we experience inner childhood wounds that take many years to heal…Sadly many do not fully heal from their inner childhood wounds…Healing is possible but healing takes years of hard work…I am forty eight years old and I am still learning how to parent myself in a loving manner because my childhood was hell on earth…I was well fed and we had a warm home…The clothing I was forced to wear was often hand me downs that did not fit me right and looked awful on me…My mother would force me to go to school as a small child before I was old enough to wear the school uniforms…I was forced to wear a dress over pants which in the 1970’s was not in style and I stuck out like a sore thumb…I will never forget the rejection I faced from the other children who thought my clothes were weird and would point their fingers at me and laugh at me and refuse to play with me during play time…I vividly recall standing against the wall in tears in school in Ireland due to being rejected by the other children and the teachers did nothing about that…It was not until years later that I discovered that was a HSI child…Which means a Highly Sensitive Intuitive child I often threw terrible temper tantrums due to abuse…I was horribly abused and the only way I got attention from my damaged mother who has narcissistic traits was to act out or throw temper tantrums…Sadly I grew up learning that the only way to get attention in my home was via negative behavior…My temper tantrums were not done for the attention mind you because the attention I got was always negative which was a severe beating…I threw tempter tantrums because I was over stimulated and overwhelmed but my mother took my temper tantrums as bad behavior and punished me severely for them…In my home I could not win for losing nothing I did was ever good enough or right and I was always wrong…As a teenager I felt mostly numb I had no feelings of any kind and after spending night after night in tears as an Irish child as a teenager I did not cry or shed a tear for years…People worried that I had no conscience no depth of perception or feelings as I often had a steely stare or glare depending on the situation which often put fear in those around me…I was numb I was dead inside from years of hell on earth…Then after I graduated college and worked for a time I discovered that due to my Highly Sensitive nature I had my first meltdown in my early twenties…I just watched an interesting documentary titled Sensitive The Untold Story…I suggest watching this it is free of charge to watch on Amazon Prime if you do not mind that some ads play…If you are sensitive or believe someone you care about is sensitive this is worth watching…

This is the trailer for Sensitive The Untold Story…

After I watched this documentary my own life unfolded before my eyes and my life experiences made more sense to me as to why I often felt misunderstood and badly treated by less sensitive people…I have been told over the years that I can be very intense as I often feel things deeply and I can walk into a room and tell you who is getting along well and who is not getting along well…I often leave social situations that I feel awkward in particularly if I feel the social event is draining my energy…I always excelled at business meetings or training meetings or professional venues because there was no personal interactions it was was always just business which I could handle quite well…It was and always has been that social situations with drama upsets my sensitive nature so I usually quietly exit stage left…I noticed too that I can be in a room full of people and not be noticed at all which comforted me over the years because I was free to observe my surroundings without fear of being approached…My son is very much like me he is also highly sensitive and is very much aware of his surroundings at all times…My son would not agree that he is highly sensitive but I see many similarities in my son to me his mother…My son like me is very bright he is very smart and can excel in school without much effort…I waltzed my way through college…College was a breeze for me except for one tough semester where I felt burned out and very tired and wanted to drop out of college…My cousin talked me out of dropping out of college and I am grateful my cousin did that for me…I was a perfectionist and I was doing poorly in my meteorology class and getting less than a C in any class was in my perfectionist eyes a failure…Getting a D in any course was like a black eye to me…I worked up the courage to speak to my meteorology professor who was kind and I begged him to help me get a D as I knew I would never be a meteorologist…As I type this I cannot spell the word meteorology without messing up…I was never so happy to get a D in my life and it was that D which was a passing grade that helped me to obtain my four year degree which I got at the age of twenty…HSI people are highly intelligent and our brains are constantly processing new information and old information…As a result we do not always respond the best in social situations which can be awkward for those around us…I have been told over the years that I am a HSI person which means Highly Sensitive Intuitive Person…I did not understand fully what this meant until I watched this excellent documentary…It was only after I healed from my childhood trauma and my healing process is ongoing by getting away from the toxic people in my life was I able to find myself and become truly just me…Sadly many are unable to get out of toxic situations due to children involved or other circumstances that renders that person dependent on the toxic people in their lives…Those situations are always very hard and I understand because for many years of my life I was dependent on toxic people and could not get away due to being a child…If you find yourself stuck in a toxic environment or situation find something that inspires you and take time for yourself to listen to music you love or take a walk or do things that inspire you…I did this as a teenager I would sit under the willow tree and meditate and pray…This meditation did wonders for me and I was calmer as a result…I also kept to myself a lot to avoid my abusive mother and abusive siblings…My siblings were horrible to me and I am glad to say I have no contact with any of my awful siblings…I do have some contact with my elderly mother and she does speak to my son whom she has yet to meet…I do this for both my son and my mother as it is good for them to speak…Remarkably and perhaps miraculously my mother is kind to my son on the phone and does not bad mouth me which is a miracle…As long as this remains a positive experience for both my mother and my son I will keep it up…My son is getting to know his own grandmother which is important and my mum is getting to know her own grandson…I have set aside my anger towards my mum because I have truly forgiven mum her past…I do not let negative thoughts ruin this new connection and I limit conversations to avoid drama of any kind…I am showing my mother authentic forgiveness but I do not have to take any crap from that woman and she knows better than to try any crap with me at this stage of my life…My mother has mellowed out in her older years which makes limited communication easier for both my son and I…My son is happy to talk to his grandmother and would like to meet her someday…We hope to make this happen once the pandemic lifts to allow for ease of travel…I forgave my mother for myself my mother has no idea the damage she did to me and for some odd narcissistic reason does not perceive a need to ask my forgiveness…This is typical of the narcissist who is always right and others are always wrong…My God I was bulimic for years under my mother’s abusive care and other than being very skinny which earned me names like “spindly legs”…No one in my family recognized my eating disorder…It was not until years later that I was able to process my childhood as an adult so as to further my healing process by healing my lost inner child…As a thank you for your follows likes and shares enjoy some you tube work that expresses my lost inner child that is healing thanks be to the God of life…

…………Namaste…………

My song titled Bulimic Youth Inspired by Alanis Morissette That I Would Be Good…In this song I sing I know I’m still good to send a positive message to the world that despite abuse we can all still be good…

I composed by latest tune titled Bulimic Youth which you can enjoy here as my background music for my latest song titled Bulimic Youth inspired by the song by Alanis Morisette titled That I Would Be Good…

Enjoy my Bulimic Youth Playlist here:

Enjoy my lost playlist for all the lost inner children including my own lost inner child…

Enjoy my poser playlist addressing the problem of posers who shed false tears known as crocodile tears to manipulate the ones they love to hate…

Enjoy my powers playlist…

Enjoy my song titled Steam…