The Kiss of Memory – A Reflection

“Hope Does Not Give Up” — Ilia Kramarik

A song for my son inspired by Ilia Kramarik’s poem titled Kiss of Memory – A pixel photo on purpose

The Kiss of Memory is a poem by Ilia Kramarik and can be found on page 76 of Ilia’s epic book of art and prose titled — The Future Never Gives Up…The featured image I choose for this reflection is a photo taken by our neighbor and friend Amanda years ago during our time in South Dakota…My son looks so happy sitting in that tree and climbing trees is a childhood joy that many children experience myself included…Except for me I would end up climbing too high and getting stuck in many a tree…I was such a tom boy growing up…Ilia’s poem The Kiss of Memory consists of four stanzas with four lines each…This poem opens with a winter expression…”Snow starts falling on my first grown crystal.” Leaving out a portion of the second stanza as part of building the mystery that is Ilia Kramarik and to encourage my readers to purchase your own copy of Ilia’s epic book titled The Future Never Gives Up…In the second stanza Ilia expresses that “the kiss of memory incinerates me.” In the third stanza Ilia writes…”We were given something not to know – and you still do not know me.” Ilia was a child a young boy when he wrote this epic brilliant prose…In the last stanza Ilia whose name brings to my mind the term Iliad…Ilia writes…”But growth is inside me. Wings are inside me. And hope does not give up”….Ilia Kramarik…Our children are our future and while land property wealth and status last for a time those things only last as long as we are on earth…When we die we all die the same…When we live we all live the same…We all must dress the same way and live as mere mortals on this earth…Sadly many focus on status power and wealth as their ruler and guide to greatness yet the greatest among us are our children…I learned a lot from my son as a single mother…To give my son a sense of belonging I gave my son my last name because his father was never going to be part of his life or in the picture…I felt in my spirit that if I gave my son his father’s last name it would be a constant reminder to my son of his absentee father…Also, I understood that I had to play the role of both mother and father to my growing boy and that I could not give my son the experience of visiting grandparents or extended family visits as I was now faced with raising my son on my own with little to no help as a single mother…As a single mother I did befriend many married women who were nice to my face but who gossiped cruelly and mercilessly about me behind my back…The ways I discovered this was miraculous…Pocket phone calls revealed many a nasty conversation these witches wish I never heard but did hear as these nasty conversations were parked in my voice mail…One woman named Janet could be heard in my voice mail arguing with her husband Dale with whom Janet has twelve children…Janet could be heard calling me a “bitch” and yelling at her husband for trying to call me at a time that was meant to be for them…My God I was humbled by this and floored because I considered Janet a good woman and a true friend…That bitch was a piece of shit who was known for bad mouthing or gaslighting others which is bad mouthing your friends behind their backs…People who do that are the scum of the earth…I despise gossips I hate gossips and I have no time for stupid gossips men are just as bad as the women when it comes to gossip at times…Though men tend to simply listen and agree with their gossips who are often mostly women…I do not hate Janet and her husband Dale as human beings who are frail…I have forgiven them already in my heart…I was very hurt by how they treated me because in their eyes I am nothing but a single mother not worthy of any degree of respect…I see that a lot all over the world single mothers in particular are set up to fail and to be hated by many who are clueless about how or why it is a woman becomes a single mother…In my story the father took advantage of my fragile state he was ten years older than me and was supposed to be guiding me as my spiritual director…Instead that man knocks me up and takes off…Then I am left holding the bag bearing the burden on my own and open to abuse and hate speech from hostile people who have no clue and who know not the damage they do with their vile vicious lips of wars…Gossip comes from lips of wars and from the heart the mouth speaks…When people bad mouth others behind their backs that is a form of war…That is a part of the war on all flesh and the demonic operates through vile gossips who have nothing better to do than to bad mouth others…Janet and Dale are narcissists and narcissists tend to target the strong and the weak alike…Narcissists have no conscience though they confess their sins to priests regularly if Catholic narcs or narcissists have no conscience they simply do whatever they want then confess it demand absolution then continue their bad life paths…Sadly many priests are extremely proud and narcissistic too not all but many are that way thinking they are God’s unto themselves who can absolve sins that cannot be absolved for the penitent is not truly sorry and is often a repeat offender…I know I am far from perfect and I will apologize and try to make things right no matter who you are or where you are from regardless of status if I owe an apology I will apologize and try to make things right…I cannot fix others I can only fix myself…Also I cannot control how others act and I do not have to understand why others act the way they act…What matters most for all of us not just myself is that we can only control how we deal with each new situation that presents itself…Ways I show others I am apologetic is by being more respectful giving folks more space listening more attentively and by keeping my side of the street clean I am learning how to live and let live and how to let go of past hurt…I am only human too and far from perfect…Sad to say many today refuse to forgive and often perceive others in the wrong light as these often view the world through an altered lens a lens altered by their own lives that have often been very hard on them…Many of us have had hard lives…Do we make lemonade out of lemons??? Or do we let lemons make us sour patch people???…My son used to love sour patch candy…As he got older his tastes have changed…I do not have all the answers but I do my best to be decent I have learned to pick my battles and to walk away from hills I do not care to die on that day…Ask yourself this question in the face of adversity is that hill worth dying on? I tell you this others are hurting too and hurting people hurt other people…I understand this well because I am guilty of hurting others not understanding how in hell I would have the power to hurt others since I see myself as insignificant and very small in our very large world…Yet I learned recently that I did hurt others and so I apologized where and when I could and I took steps to mend broken bridges and fences and to show by my actions not just by words that I am truly sorry…When we are truly sorry we show others by our actions we are sorry by being more considerate more kind more respectful of their space…That is how we show others we are apologetic and sorry…Talk is cheap actions always speak louder than words…My son has taught me a lot and I owe my son my life and I owe my son a debt of gratitude for teaching me his own mother how to be a better human being…I dedicate this post to my son who is taller than me now and whose shoe size is larger than mum’s…

To my son

To my son I love you now always and forever and when others put me down you saw a light in me your mammy that others could not see and you helped me to heal from years of hell on earth and you gave me a strength and a courage I never knew I had until the day I met you the day of your birth…I held you in my arms son and from that day on I became stronger and better though far from perfect you my son made me strong…Tears stream down my face as I write for without my boy I am lost and without my son I am nothing…The day will come when my son will no longer be home he will have spread his wings and will be doing his own thing…The respite I must take now is a gentle reminder that our children are not ours our children are only on loan by the Most High God for us to raise them well so that when our children become adults our legacies live on…Becoming a mother was the best gift the best experience for me though the circumstances were far from ideal…I teach my son not to hate his own father rather to see that he is the good that came out of a bad situation…I teach my son that he is not a mistake for if he is a mistake then I am a mistake and the whole world is just a stupid bloody mistake and perhaps then God is a mistake…My son usually smiles when I teach him this and agrees that he is not a mistake…Heaven help us all and to my son I love you with an eternal love that will last for all eternity…One day son when you are fully grown my gift to you is this blog and you tube channels and our many road trips and travels as a small family…One day son you will look back on these fond memories and say that my mammy is alright she did a fine job raising me her boy who is very good at negotiating with his feisty Irish mammy…Through my blog and you tube channels and our travels son I give you Kiss of Memories…

…Kiss of Memories dedicated to my growing son…

…………Namaste…………

I wrote this song for my son for his twelfth birthday…

My White Butterfly

…Parents young and old never cease to love their children for all eternity…Our children are eternal gifts our true legacies…