The Search – Potential For Darkness – A Reflection

These Little Reflections The Search and Potential For Darkness were authored by Akiane Kramarik between the ages of 7-11 in her book titled My Dream Is Bigger Than I – Memories of Tomorrow – Part Six Page 305 — “You will need your own copy of this book to view the full text of this poem.  I limit quotes for the purpose of discussion and to follow copyright guidelines that allows for limited quotes.”

The featured image I choose for this reflection is of my son and our dog in Ireland…This dog’s name is Brucie also known as Oreo due to his black and white coloring…He is a lively border collie…We could not bring Brucie to America with us but the awesome news for Brucie is we found a very loving home for our pet during our time in Dublin…We spent some time in Dublin before we returned to the USA…I really enjoyed Dublin the people are brilliant very friendly too unlike the small village I lived in that was full of weirdo’s who seemed more like demons with two legs than human beings…I honestly felt like the village we lived in was a very hostile unfriendly shire…The neighbors were weirdos and some nasty neighbors tried to set their dogs on both my son and I on more than one occasion…But drum roll please as you know I am an avid animal lover so we simply befriended their dogs and not one of their dogs ever attacked us…One dog named Leo did bite my son on his hand but did not leave a mark..We are convinced that the horrible bat shit crazy couple who owns Leo are abusing that poor dog…We could not prove that Leo the dog was being abused therefore there was nothing local animal control could do…We did let the local authorities know of our experience with Leo’s dog bite…Leo was not a vicious dog on purpose I tell you this because on one of the occasions when the black witch who owns Leo tried to once more set poor Leo on my son one day when we were out walking in that village…Leo to his credit responded very well to my son’s friendly gestures. My son stood very still and in a very soothing voice told Leo what a good boy he is what a lovely dog he is and that everything is ok and he does not need to bite him today…I also soothed Leo as I witnessed that black witch let Leo off his leash and order Leo to attack my son…Leo listened to both of us as an animal and a dog Leo understood that we truly cared about him so much so that to her consternation that black witch failed to set her dog Leo on both my son and I many times…Our border collie also got to know Leo the other dog and our very smart border collie would lie down on his belly in a submissive position to let Leo know that he meant him no harm…We witnessed our border collie do this many times whenever we encountered Leo the dog…By the time Leo bit my son on his hand the bite was not an aggressive bite it felt more like a warning bite that Leo was letting us both know that his owners are horrible to him…When I reported that dog bite incident I was sure to say this that Leo is a lovely dog but his owners are awful…That village was weird and full of black witches both male and female as well as avowed satanists who took sick pleasure out of victimizing others via criminal acts that were done in such a manner law enforcement could not touch these vicious creeps…One creep in particular lived in a house that was dilapidated and he had two caravan storage vehicles parked in the front lawn and he drove a weird vehicle…That creep was a local pervert and the locals warned me to stay clear of him…The pope visited that village at a time when it so happened I was visiting Cape Cod MA…Thank goodness I was not in that creepy village when the pedophile creepy pope visited…I call that pope a pederasty loving creep…Prior to the papal visit the local villagers worked very hard to get their little village to look nice. Walls were painted windows were washed and a lot of work went into preparing for the papal visit…That creepy perv whose house is dilapidated was untouchable and was not forced to lift a finger to improve his ugly horrible homestead which was an eyesore. I learned from the local police who were obliged to provide a 24/7 police presence in this tiny village prior to the papal visit…That this visit was costing Ireland tons of Euros Ireland did not have. Word on the streets of Dublin and Knock is that the pope was no longer welcome in Ireland that the papists are now despised in Ireland and around the world…Sure the media hyped up the papal visit which was yet another sham and Ireland was once more robbed blind by a vile male narcissistic war pig who belongs in a maximum security military prison for the criminally insane…Many in Ireland despise the filthy dirty rotten roman catholic child and adult sex cult from the ninth circle of hell…Those that love this cult are often controlled by the demonic realm most particularly through demonic pride which explains the peculiar love this vile cult has for raping holy innocent boys and girls and destroying men and women most especially their whole families…Prior to the papal visit a census was done locally which felt like yet another Spanish inquisition. I was questioned and stated that I am not obliged to answer any of those questions which are in violation of EU’s data protection laws…I cited my international civil rights and the fact that I was not a roman catholic and as such had zero interest in anything papal…I then said sure that pope is terrified now that he is despised around the world and is afraid his victims of systemic abuse want to do him in…Tis true many want to destroy poopy evil pappy…I am not one of them…I have better things to do with my valuable time than to waste my time and energy on a pederasty loving scumbag creep dressed in white…I was sure to be very respectful when questioned but I lost no time in reminding my inquisitors that this inquisition is ridiculous and is costing Ireland a lot of Euros Ireland cannot afford to be spending…To their credit they were very polite and kind and did not push me for they knew that after all nobody expects the Irish Inquisition…I learned that when large religious events are held in the tiny village I lived in the locals used to be robbed blind by roman travelers and others like them…These robbers rapists and pillagers are part of an international crime ring endorsed and supported by the octopus of Rome…All roads that lead to Rome lead mankind to hellfire…The travelers native to Ireland are as always lovely people who do not do these terrible things…It seems that around the globe where ever the evil pappy goes bad deeds and crimes follow…While in MA I listened to stories of Irish who knew of boys who were molested by pederasty creepy priests in their local parishes…I told them that is why I was in MA listening to their stories as opposed to being anywhere near the demon filled head of all of the vile asmodeus realm dressed in white who had a lot of nerve to return to Ireland after raping and pillaging and robbing Ireland blind for centuries…There is a special place in the ninth circle of hell itself for creeps like that who dress in white of all things…Never trust a perfect person a lesson mankind would do well to learn…Evil pappy’s consume and destroy holy innocent children and families all the time…As I continue to heal from years of hell on earth as a former roman catholic village idiot…I will experience mystical dreams when I am fast asleep that I often recall vividly when I awake…I experienced a dream recently in my sleep state that I will describe as follows…In my dream I was shown an ex boyfriend of mine named John M from years ago when I was in my mid to late 20’s…I had forgotten all about him as many years have passed and I am now forty eight years old…In the dream I was shown that he had written me a letter sometime back then with a proposal or solution that he had in mind…That in this letter he had declared his love for me…I was confused by this because I never got a letter…In my very vivid dream I was shown that my meddlesome brother named Leo same name as that vicious dog I wrote about…That Leo had this letter that somehow Leo interfered or meddled with my mail something my own mother did also for years…That as my mother who has done evil towards me and all of her children kept John M’s letter for some bizarre reason and never ever told me about that letter…That is how Leo somehow got his nasty interfering hateful hands on this letter…I was shown that Leo has had this letter for some time now and that Leo has initiated contact with John M…I was shown that John M like myself had aged as the years passed that he has a son that he is raising on his own and that John M was surprised to hear from Leo but that John M remains in love with me. The purpose of this dream was to show me that I was wrong when I falsely believed that no man ever thought of me or ever cared enough about me to ever bother with me in any real way…I was shown my time with my boyfriend John M like a movie. That I met John M when he was a bartender that John M was immediately attracted to me in a love at first sight moment…That John M lost no time in asking me out and when I accepted he was over the moon…That I had no idea John M was really that into me…That John M trusted me with his stash of money that he was saving for his return to Ireland. John M was from county Cork if I recall correctly…I was reminded of things John M did that showed me he truly loved me back then…John M God love him and God help him would allow me to use his earnings to take what I needed to come and see him while he was tending bar…I took him up on his offer and would go to his room which he allowed and take what I needed to buy a drink or two at the bar…John M would tease me later that he knew I was doing that…I could have robbed poor John M blind of his hard earned savings but I never did that…I loved him too and only took what I needed so that I could see the man I loved at his place of work which was tending bar..I was shown that John M was crazy about me so much so that he sneaked in a visit to see me in my mother’s house and when my mum knocked on my door to check on me poor John M had to hide in the nearest closet…My mother never concerned herself with anything I did or did not do so her visit to my room was the only time in my sad ridiculous sorry pathetic life with my horrible mother that my mother ever checked on me as her older daughter…It was hilarious too my mother drilled me with question after question about this John M fella and she was certain he was visiting me at the house and she was not having it…John M heard the whole exchange from inside the nearby closet…After what seemed like an eternity I calmly answered my mothers’s nasty inquisition and she finally left satisfied that this John M fella was no where in sight…Nobody expects an Irish mammy inquisition…Keep in mind that I was now a young woman I had already finished college and was working and I was living in an apartment my parents owned and paying rent to my parents for living there…It was none of my mothers damn business what I did with my boyfriend…John M was terrified of my bat shit crazy nosy beastly mother…That did not stop John M from loving me back then and oh snap we made love in that apartment and we both laughed about my horrible bat shit crazy nosy mother…In this vivid dream I was shown ways John M was crazy about me and was madly in love with me back then…I can see this now but could not see that then…I was not doing very well then spiritually emotionally and mentally…I have no idea if John M ever sent me a letter since I never saw the letter shown to me in my vivid dream…I was shown my ex boyfriend John M as a reminder that at least one of my lovers actually really loved me…I can see this now but could not see that back then…I was a mess back then…I know my mother has a history of interfering in my business because one of my ex fiances not poor John M God love him sent me a letter declaring his love for me and that he would wait an eternity for me…This was confirmed that not only did my awful mother get that letter she read it and made fun of both my ex fiance and me to to others…My ex fiance was trying to win me back something that men are wont to do…I never got that letter either…My ex fiance did get married and I learned years later that he was abusive to his wife which is very sad…My birth mother is a right bitch a meddlesome catholic whore with no respect for herself and others and certainly no damn respect for me her own daughter…My own birth mother set me up for abuse many times and was toxic to me on so many levels I could not fill enough books…I never knew where I began and my mother ended…My catholic whore of a mother is a witch who has no idea the evil she has become and does on a daily basis…What a cunt! My birth mother is a vile nasty back stabbing war mongering gossipy piece of shit…It is a wonder I am doing ok after all these years of hell on earth…I have no idea what John M is doing these days but thanks to that vivid dream I now know this much that man loved me very much years ago…I suppose I was once truly loved in this life something I was too stupid to notice when John M and I were a young couple…I have nothing to do with my nasty birth mother and siblings for sound reasons…My brother Leo told me many times how much he hates my guts…So if my vivid dream be true my brother Leo can eat that letter and also rue the day he ever interfered in God’s plan for my life…My brother Leo used to steal from me on a regular basis I would know because I would find things that he stole from me in his possession when he was sleeping…My grandmother on my father’s side of the family had given me her wedding ring when she died…I was given my grandmother’s wedding ring and I minded it very well…That ring would go missing and I would somehow always find it in my brother Leo’s possession when he was asleep…I would simply check his pants pockets while he was fast asleep and find my grand mother’s ring in his pants pocket…I never told my brother Leo he was doing this to me…I kept this knowledge to myself…I would simply take the ring back when I noticed it went missing…My brother Leo has been mad jealous of me for many years…My brother Leo hates my guts…I hope Leo eats his own hate speech and things he kept from me his own sister as his reward for harming me and doing me like that…What a capital jerk and horrible man and to do what he did to his own sister is beyond my comprehension…I return the evil that is in my brother Leo and my family to its source their reward for ever daring to meddle in my personal affairs is eternal death and gnashing of teeth…My brother Leo can go to hell cuz by now it is far too late to apologize for being a capital jerk to me his own sister…Years later I gave my grandmother’s wedding ring to my birth mother who had been coveting that ring for years…My birth mother was mad jealous that I got that ring and not her…My birth mother lost her own original wedding rings so out of pity I let her have my grandmother’s wedding ring…By so doing I mystically broke the satanic curse behind the sun false God behind satanic ritual circular wedding rings…By giving my own birth mother that ring I broke a centuries old curse that no longer affects me or my mother or family…My mother was already wed so by the time she got my grandmother’s wedding ring freely given to her by myself as an act of charitable love for my sad birth mother. The mystical satanic curse over the future weddings of Mary’s children as it relates to me was broken…My birth mother’s first name is Mary…As my incredible healing process continues to unfold…There are days I am totally exhausted with no energy at all…I was hoping to work yesterday for my part time job but I could not…I was too weak and exhausted to work so all that was left for me yesterday was bed rest…There are days I am on bed rest I have to rest and there is not a damn thing I can do about that…My condition of fibromyalgia pain is chronic it never gets better except I have moments when I can function and moments when I cannot function due to intense flare ups of intense chronic pain…This pain is a spiritual and emotional pain that manifests itself in the form of chronic physical pain labeled as fibromyalgia…I became physically sick from years of verbal abuse and verbal attacks…As I continue to heal from all that I experienced in my toxic past I have lucid dreams that serve to help me to process my toxic past so that in the process of processing in my sleep state my healing process is ongoing…In my own frail humanity there are days I need a little something for anxiety so I take a little medicine for anxiety that helps a lot and is not habit forming…There are days I get overwhelmed and overloaded and on those days I simply shut down…On these hard days I have learned that it is ok to shut the world out and get the rest I need…I will never understand why my own birth mother was so hateful to me…Her behavior and actions towards me her own daughter are despicable…I will also never understand how my own brothers could molest me their own sister and steal from me and interfere in my life behind my back…I will never understand that…I will never forgive my birth mother or my siblings for all eternity they will be forced to eat their horrible words and to reap what they have sown…I have no sympathy for any of them and I do not care if they rot in hell or not…My sick family fucked up my life fucked with my head and fucked me over at every turn. I could not trust my own sick mother and my own sick siblings…I could never trust a soul in my own home growing up. As I look back on my past growing up in Ireland I recall my brother Leo as a child repeating these words…My brother was a boy a little boy so how in hell he knew to say this is beyond my understanding. I have concluded that heaven allowed my brother Leo as a small boy to say this as a mystical testimony to the terrible truth of what was done to boys and girls in Ireland for more than a century…My brother Leo used to say this repeatedly which is why I remember this…”Oh the man put the boy and the girl in the fayo as I don’t know”…Leo could not pronounce the word fire as he was a small boy a toddler at the time…So I write what Leo said phonetically to show that he was very little when he said this repeatedly like a chant…My brother Leo also prophesied an event that happened when he was a small boy…We were older then I was around the age of nine and my brother Leo was one year older than me…A school teacher in Ireland whacked me on the head with a bible. The whack was so severe I had bad headaches for a long time afterwards…I told my family this was done…My brother Leo was so upset by this that he came to me later and told me the following…”God will take that teacher’s daughter as punishment for abusing you with the word of God contained in the bible she used to whack you on the head”…I told my caring brother Leo who was a sensitive child just as I too am a very sensitive person…I said ah no Leo I would not want that besides my headaches are getting better and are going away now…My brother Leo was adamant that this would be done…Shortly after Leo said this that school teacher’s beloved daughter named Mary a bright girl who was very well liked in school by all of us myself included. Mary was a kind girl and friendly to everyone she met…Mary was kind to me so when she died I took her passing very hard…I took that to heart…Mary was an asthmatic child something not known to the rest of us…Mary died shortly after fulfilling what my brother said would be done…Mary died tragically from a severe asthma attack. Mary’s mother my school teacher was understandably beside herself with grief and I myself had it out with God many times over the death of Mary who was around my age…I yelled at God about this I was pissed and I said to God so you take Mary and not me…I was jealous that Mary got to die young and I still had to live…I said God I have wanted to die since I was five years old now I am a little older and you take Mary…I was livid so angry with God over Mary’s passing…I said God Mary was loved her mother loved Mary…I said Mary was holy loving and kind and gentle and I loved Mary as did all of her friends…I said why God? Why take Mary? I said that is not fair not right not just and why the hell God did you not take me? I said to God that I have been miserable for years I was only around the age of nine when I said this to God…What the hell? God what the hell is wrong with you God? You give life and you take life and you force me to live when I want to be dead…Around the age of nine I had wanted to be dead since the age of five…I kept begging God to take my life to take me back to heaven…God refused me this…God told me that my tears were being gathered in a mystical cup in heaven…God told me that Mary’s life would have been wasted by her diabolical mother who was excessively proud…That Mary who was now so sweet kind and loving was taken back to heaven before her mother could corrupt her own daughter…God showed me that Mary became very upset before she died with her parents who were not getting along well…That Mary’s emotional state was elevated due to a nasty row her parents had and Mary’s diabolical mother yelled at her children and Mary took what was said to heart…God showed me that Mary was also a sensitive girl like I was except that due to Mary’s asthmatic condition Mary’s lungs became full of fluid and Mary experienced a drowning which is what asthmatic attacks can do when not treated or remedied on time…Back then Mary’s parents did not have the proper medicinal remedies on hand to save Mary…This was not the fault of Mary’s parents who loved all of their children…It was more to do with the times we were living in and in Ireland healthcare was not very advanced when Mary died of a severe asthma attack…God showed me that Mary could not be saved and that Mary’s death was not caused by God rather God allowed Mary to die because it was Mary’s time to return to heaven…God showed me that had Mary survived and lived a full life that Mary would have been corrupted by her parents and instead of doing good Mary’s spirit would have changed into the same spirit of diabolical pride found in her own diabolical mother…As a young girl I could not grasp everything God showed me I could not understand how it was that I had to live in hell on earth and Mary who was so sweet had to die…For years I was jealous that Mary died and that I lived…What comforted me was knowing that Mary was back in heaven and that one day I too would attain heaven…To attain heaven I had a lot of work to do and God comforted me through the armies of heaven every single day of my life as an Irish child…I wept every night in my bed for years as an Irish child my own oldest brother Michael would climb into my bed a bed I shared with my youngest sister wake me up and molest me…Michael would bring cookies or treats to give me and then he would molest me…Michael was not much older than me then but he was old enough to know this was wrong…Michael was accessed for abuse and was shown obscene things and taught by horrible pedophiles to molest his own sister…In the 1970’s and 1980’s growing up in Ireland we had no idea what the hell a pedophile was or that such monsters even existed…My brother Leo was sensitive like me I mention this because Leo knew as a child that molesting your sister is wrong…Leo never molested me but sadly Leo was abused too and forced to molest me by his own sick twisted brother Bernard…Michael Thomas and Bernard were taught and groomed by pedophiles who accessed these boys for abuse and set these boys up to molest their own sisters…My two younger sisters were molested too…Growing up in Ireland was hell on earth for me…The abuse in my own home was so horrible that I loved school more than my own home…School was the only time I could escape the hell that was my home…Tis no wonder I did so well in school because school felt like home to me…School was a place I felt safe in and could learn so learn I did…Now when I first started school socializing was hard for me…I was rejected by my peers because of the way I dressed…My mother would make me wear ugly dresses over pants so I looked awful and the other girls and boys rejected my presence because of how I was dressed…I recall standing against the wall during play time tears streaming down my face because when the instructor would have the children join hands to play the children would push me away out of their small group and I would be forced to stand against the wall until play time was done…This early rejection that I experienced as an Irish child was very painful and I cried a lot those days…The teachers did not care because in Ireland abusing the Irish child in school was accepted and expected…The hatred unfurled on the Irish child in Ireland spans centuries…By the time I was born many an Irish child were dead in mass graves all over Ireland…To understand this hatred of children not only in Ireland but around the world one must understand the demonic realm…I say this because to hate a child for any reason regardless of religion race color or creed is of the devil and is demonic in nature…My brother Leo was a lovely brother he was kind and gentle and sensitive too…My brother Leo was a lovely little boy and brought lots of joy to my parents hearts…My brother Leo truly cared about me and his other siblings and was never an abusive type growing up…I say this because Leo being a sensitive boy as he was saw fit to correct a nursery rhyme that was vile…The nursery rhyme went like this it asks “what are little girls made of made of? — What are little girls made of? — Sugar and spice and all things nice” This warms the hearts of little girls like myself…Then the nursery rhyme goes on to say “What are little boys made of? — What are little boys made of? — Frogs and snails and puppy dogs tails” [The author of this awful nursery rhyme is uncertain] I include this link as my modern citation — .https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_Are_Little_Boys_Made_Of%3F#:~:text=The%20author%20of%20the%20rhyme,Southey%20(1774%E2%80%931843) — This link explains that the author is unknown…My God I hated what that rhyme said about little boys…My brother Leo and I both agreed that what was said about little boys was awful and terrible too and very wrong…My brother Leo to his credit got a pencil or pen whatever he could use at the time to scribble out what was said about little boys and to correct this with “sugar and spice and all things nice”. — If my brother Leo ever reads this blog entry I dedicate this post to my living brother Leo and to all men and boys around the world. — My brother Leo and I do not have to get along well in this life as adults. — I dedicate this post to my brother Leo because there is a very real demonic hatred of children particularly little boys. — This demonic hatred of children is very real and is always of the occult. — I do not hate my brother Leo or any of my siblings not at all. — I do feel hated by many of them. — My sister Olivia and I were both able to agree last Christmas over the phone that we do love each other and wish each other well that we also have forgiven each other our faults…Olivia and I could agree that we cannot handle contact because we trigger in each other trauma based responses which is not Olivia’s fault or my fault. The progress that both Olivia and I have made to be able to agree we cannot handle much contact if any contact without blaming each other is huge…For the first time in my whole life in my dealings with my youngest sister Olivia I felt validated and respected by Olivia…I hope Olivia can say the same though I leave that to Olivia to tell…I do not assume that just because I feel a certain way that the other party feels the same…Feelings alone can be very deceptive I have learned this the hard way many times…The demonic realm knows how to attach to our feelings so as to manipulate and exploit mankind…By manipulating and exploiting our feelings and emotions mankind is being destroyed from within…By destroying the nuclear family around the globe mankind destroys his own species…The reason it never occurred to me that my ex boyfriend John M ever truly loved me is because my family bad mouthed me to John M and told John M that I was crazy. We were both very young then and at the time I was not doing well spiritually mentally and emotionally…I was really struggling back then and John M had no idea he had no clue as he never really got to know the real me. I was totally lost back then and I myself did not know who the hell I was. For some of my blog posts it takes me two to three days to get one completed and here is why. — I can be sitting and typing and remember that I have laundry that must be put in the dryer dishes that must be put away from the dish washer and call backs I have to make for business purposes and appointments that I must not forget about…My son needs attention so I spend time with my son to make sure he is keeping up with his home school work and curriculum. I am extremely busy and I have no idea how the hell I get so much done with no help…I come and go from my blog posts as I am constantly interrupted by obligations and stupid tasks…I get angry about all of this because if I had my way I would live in a cave and simply write to my hearts content…Living in a cave is not an option for me so the next best thing is to blog when I can in between working my part time job caring for my son daily chores and resting due to being low energy these days…I would be in a state of shock if any of my ex boyfriends ever thought to contact me. I would not know what to make of that and would likely blow them off…Years have passed and I am a different person now…I am finally taking time to myself so that I can get to know who the hell I am after all these years…A process to be sure that takes time…In my process of healing the lost person that I was for so many years is finally being found as I get to know myself…I also realize as I continue my own remarkable healing process that though I was shown in a vivid dream that a man once truly loved me years ago…That is likely no longer the case as people change with time…Does knowing how a man truly felt about me once change things in the present? No it does not. The present remains the present. The purpose of the vivid dream was unto me a warning to beware to be wary of future false friendship propositions including false love proposals that could occur. Also to warn me against the wiles of my the enemy who is the devil who has worked though my stinking family for far too long now…With the passing of my beloved father all sense of decency left my remaining family members…I was shut out by my siblings who purposely excluded me from their family meals. My sister Carmel to her credit despite her despicable behavior towards me over the years — Carmel had enough decency in her to allow me to spend time with my father before he passed away…What hurts me to this day is when my own father was in the hospital not one of my stinking siblings or my nasty mother ever informed me. I would have visited my father whom I loved very much but I never got the chance to do that because I was never told that my own father was in the hospital. I was hurt deeply by this. No one in my family ever bothered or concerned themselves with taking into account my feelings when it came to important family matters such as my father’s illness and subsequent passing…My God I was used by my siblings to type up my own father’s obituary but was not allowed to say a word of my own or embellish a thing. I never had a say or a voice in my own family…My sister Olivia was vicious and called me many horrible names such as “retard” and “slut” among other names. Olivia would start vicious fights with me and both Carmel and Olivia would gang up on me as teenagers and try to beat me up. I kicked their asses and one day they cornered me and I used both of my legs to kick them hard and sent them flying across the room and they both hit the fucking wall and fell down hard…One day as young teenagers Olivia started with me and would not stop. Olivia refused to quit even our own mother was upset by this and despite our mother’s attempts to get Olivia to leave me alone nothing worked…I warned Olivia not to start something she cannot finish that I will finish her once and for all if she did not quit…My mother could not believe how patient I was with Olivia who was a fucking nightmare to deal with for months on end…Olivia would start with me as follows and always with verbal abuse and verbal attacks..Olivia was vicious…I quote Olivia now…”You are nothing but a retard! You’re retarded” Then Olivia would physically attack me and try to beat me up. I blocked Olivia’s attacks until Olivia got tired of trying. I would get in Olivia’s face and say who is the retard now? I would tell that bitch go on and go crying to mammy cuz mum has seen it all and mum has had enough of your bullshit with me. I said to Olivia is that all you got stupid cuss words and pussy footing weak punches? Olivia refused to stop one day Olivia’s attacks were so out of control that I grabbed Olivia like a wet rag lifted that bitch up and punched her hard with a right hook that knocked the wind out of Olivia. I told Olivia when you get your breath back if you ever attack me again I will finish you…I told that bitch she will not survive another fight with me as I will hit her so hard she will not live…I said I have fought off bigger lads than you and sent them running to their mammy’s..I told my sister to go ahead and tell our mammy what I did here because our mother has had enough of her shit…Olivia told our mother and my mother for once in her life took my side and told Olivia and I quote my mammy here: “Olivia it served you right you would not listen to me and you refused to leave your sister alone — you got what you deserved — you had it coming to ya”…My sister Olivia left me alone after that because it took her two weeks to heal from my right hook which was so forceful that Olivia almost passed out…What my sisters did not know about me was this I worked out a lot as a teenager…My sisters knew I was a runner what they did not know was that I also did push ups and sit ups and pull ups and learned self defense…I was well able to fight off both of my sisters and after I almost knocked Olivia out for the count both sisters left me alone after that…I learned self defense quietly and no one in my family knew. I learned how to strategically tire out your attacker by avoiding their punches and blows much like a boxing ring dance…I learned how to fight without fighting so that when Olivia attacked me I simply tired her out every single time…By the time I dealt Olivia my right hook Olivia had a history of attacking me physically for many months. During which time I was doing push ups sit ups and pull ups…Olivia got served on an afternoon when I simply had enough of her bullshit…I was in bed when Olivia tried to attack me…I was in fact sleeping when that bitch pounced on me in my bed. I awoke with a start to find crazy Olivia sitting on my chest area and pummeling me with her fists telling me how much she hated me. That did it that was when after some serious struggle I got that crazy bitch off me. I knocked her off me onto the floor then I picked her up like a wet rag and dealt her a right hook…That bitch never messed with me ever again physically…Olivia lost no time bad mouthing me to any who would listen and Carmel did the same…These two bitches are two peas of the same bat shit crazy pod…Carmel met her husband as a nurse a patient she cared for asked Carmel out and she married her own patient…A line I would never cross a line Carmel had no problem crossing…I am not saying I am any better It is simply my turn to speak that’s all…Carmel introduced Olivia to her future husband’s brother who is older than Carmel’s now ex husband…Olivia was asked out by that man who when Olivia decided to break off with him threatened suicide…Olivia stayed with that man out of pity and married him…Olivia wanted children her husband did not want too many children…Olivia agreed to take the contraception pill at the request of her demanding selfish husband…One year Olivia was tired of taking the damn contraception pill and put the pressure on her stupid husband to do something about not wanting children and Olivia stopped taking the damn pill…It was then that Olivia’s husband got him self willfully sterilized…Men who willfully get sterilized are not real men they are pussies who sacrifice their masculinity their seed to the devil himself out of vile hatred of children…To deny children in marriage is to hate your own offspring which is always of the occult and of the devil himself…Sadly many who embrace birth control in all its ugly forms are often not aware of the mystical diabolical hatred of children behind such practices…Many embrace birth control practices out of a false love of children with the silly notion that having less children is best…Justified by the notion that having too many mouths to feed could result in children being abused and neglected…While abuse and neglect can happen no doubt about that the worst form of abuse and neglect is to deny a child the right to living their life to the fullest the basic right to life and to be born which starts with the right to conception. Something both of my sisters have long since forgotten is that by embracing birth control they spit in the face of the Most High God of all of the living the God of life…My sister Olivia took out her anger and frustrations on me as a teenager due to the vile actions of a boy named Neil L who lied through his teeth and boasted in my sisters school that he had sex with me…Something my mother had to ask my brothers to put a stop to…These nasty rumors angered my sister Olivia who believed Neil L and then started to pick on me instead of showing me empathy or care or concern Olivia picked on me…As the years passed Olivia became very snobby a total snot nosed bitch who would invite family to her thanksgiving dinners and exclude me on purpose…Olivia would get the family to lie to my face by saying they had no plans for thanksgiving and I found out anyway that this was Olivia’s doing to snub me her own sister…Carmel who was wretched to deal with also to her credit had more grace more class in her own way than that bitch Olivia…Carmel had to get out of a nasty bad marriage and I admire the way Carmel handled her divorce…Carmel handled stress in her life with a grace and stoic strength rarely found in women these days myself included…Carmel navigated a nasty divorce with grace and ensured her two children maintained a positive relationship with their birth father who is by all accounts a decent man…Olivia’s husband is also a decent man sadly when men limit the births of their own children they know not the evil that they do…Carmel to her credit treated her ex husbands girlfriend with grace a woman who had an affair at a time when my sister was married…I hated that woman with a passion for a long time for destroying my sisters marriage…That cheap whore never earned my respect for she is responsible for destroying a marriage…Like it or not that is what women who have affairs do they destroy marriages…Sure she is kind and soft and gentle and by all accounts a wonderful mother who aught to help her kids keep their weight off…She birthed a set of twins and I would not be surprised if my sister’s ex husband pressured that woman not to have more babies by him since that is what his brother is like when it comes to children…I admire and respect the grace in which my sister Carmel handled a nasty stressful divorce and the subsequent raising of two children under pressure…Carmel owns her own home a home she purchased through her own blood sweat and tears and years of hard work as a Nurse…Sure Carmel got some help along the way but overall my sister Carmel worked her ass off for years and accomplished a lot which is what I admire about my sister Carmel…Carmel as difficult as she was in her dealings with me was never snobby or a snot nosed bitch like Olivia…Carmel may never ever know that I actually do admire that woman more than Olivia for many reasons…Olivia is a coward who hides behind pride and being a snob to snub and put down others around her I would know because Olivia did that to me for years…In Olivia’s eyes I was nothing but a dog with its tail between its legs something Olivia said to my face once when I needed her help and she refused to help me…I had just moved into a new apartment in Hudson NY the same area Olivia lived in at the time…I needed to stay overnight at my sisters home because I was in the process of furnishing my new apartment…Olivia refused to allow me to stay overnight and before slamming her snot nosed door in my face told me I was nothing but a dog with its tail between its legs begging her for help…I slept on the floor of my new apartment that night and felt hurt beyond words that my own sister refused me a bed a simple comfort of a room while I completed the process of moving…Neither one of my sisters visited me during my time in Hudson NY which was not very far from both of them…I was never ever good enough for my uppity sisters…A song that describes how I feel about the way my sisters snubbed me and cut me out of their lives years ago…Is a song by Guns N Roses that I will share at the end of this reflection…What angered me for many years is this…What gives? What the hell makes my uppity sisters above me and better than me? Well since I am a huge fan of the movie Forrest Gump…Forrest Gump would likely say since he was a very smart man…Sure if it makes em feel better up on them pedestals then I say leave em to their own devices I would much rather eat a box of chocolates…I would agree with the wisdom of Forrest Gump a fictional character who was very smart and very wise…

…………Namaste…………

— Fanatic Slave Inspired by a boy named Neil L who was awful to me yet mystically I forgive me —
— Inspired by my Fanatic Slave Song — This be a wee chant —
— In my Mutated Hearts Song as part of my Maggie McGee Playlist I recommend eating lots of chocolate —
— Thank you Guns N Roses for inspiring so true — Nothin Lasts Forever —
— Enjoy my latest playlist inspired by Guns N Roses titled Cold November Rain —
— I’m still whistlin Dixie no thanks to your Cold November Rain — Inspired by Guns N Roses — November Rain —
— I just completed the Book Of Daniel —
— This song expresses how I feel about all who dared to betray me from my past — Now that I slept for a time I am feeling renewed in spirit and Oh Snap! It’s Still too late to apologize —
— My Eat It song is very cathartic —