An Ambush – A Reflection

This poem titled An Ambush was authored by Akiane kramarik at age 11 in her book titled My Dream Is Bigger Than I – Memories of Tomorrow – Part Four Page 201 “You will need your own copy of this book to view the full text of this poem.  I limit quotes for the purpose of discussion and to follow copyright guidelines that allows for limited quotes.”

This poem titled An Ambush consists of three stanzas with eight lines each…The featured image that I choose for this reflection is what I call smart phone art…Featuring a birthday balloon I had delivered to my 86 year old mother for her recent 86th birthday…You also see written “But i’m already in pieces”…This describes how I feel about the many devastations I experienced ever since I was a child…Thanks to my narcissistic mother I was gaslighted which means bad mouthed beyond repair…And I never had a chance in hell of making a good impression on a soul because like it or not I was always the black sheep of my family…I could never do anything right…There was no forgiveness shown me no empathy shown me from my own very damaged now elderly mother…My now elderly mother never calls me and on the occasions I call her which are now few and far between she never asks me if I am ok or if my son whom she never met is ok…My mother has no empathy she does not care whether I live or die…My mother is not capable of caring or anything kind in her speech…My mother over the years showed her love through cooking excellent meals for all eight of her children myself included…When it came to me my mother took the good out of her cooking by serving me last every time and by verbally abusing me in a very damaging way by telling me that I was “not worth feeding”…My mother told me so many horrible lies that it would make your head spin…My damaged mother told me that I was “not her daughter:…My damaged mother told me that I was “useless and good for nothing and not worth feeding.” My God I was beaten physically black and blue every day of my miserable life as an Irish child and every day I received machine gun style verbal abuse horrible verbal abuse from my own damaged mother…I was told “I would never marry because no one would ever marry the likes of me.” My God my own mother cursed me her own daughter and ruined me from the inside out with hate speech unfurled ever since I was born…My mother showed me vile hatred and vile abuse from a very young age…From the age of two I was beaten black and blue…I remember being forcibly held face down on my own mother’s lap and my mother spanking the be-jesus out of my bottom for being two…I recall this because when these beatings started I was still in diapers…I will never forget when my diapers were finally removed and I started wearing underwear…The nightmare increased because those demonic rage angry spankings left me black and blue…My mother would hold me face down on her lap while I was kicking and screaming and wallop the crap out of my bare bottom at the tender ages of two three four and five and up until I was old enough one day to get in my mother’s face and threaten to flatten her if she ever laid a finger on me again…My own mother destroyed my character from a very young age…At every turn my own mother verbally attacked me so viciously it would make your head spin…I was always wrong and according to my own mother I fucked many men apparently I fucked a Tom a Dick and a Harry whom I never met or had anything to do with…But according to my own fucked up witch of a mother…I must have fucked a lot of men that I never met…That is what my mother does to me to this day…She badmouths me at every turn…My God I never fucked a Tom a Dick or a Harry though I told my mother once that I had a mind to go find some Tom Dick or Harry to fuck just to piss her off…My God the verbal abuse the verbal attacks I got from my own birth mother was a form and remains a form of war from the lips of war from my own damaged mother…I never had a hope in hell of doing well in life…For fuck sake…My own brothers started molesting me from age five on up…For fuck sake my own mother beat the living Jesus out of me for years and bad mouthed me to others behind my back and she still does that to this day…For fuck sake my siblings were conditioned by our own damaged mother to believe they are above me and better than me and my fucked up siblings hate my guts and blame me for everything…For fuck sake my crazy siblings are more fucked up than I ever was…I have a brother who spent three years in prison for being a dick he misused his dick got more than one woman pregnant…One of the women he got pregnant had an abortion out of demonic rage and hatred for her own child conceived in lust conceived in rape a form of rape done by men like my brother who are conditioned to view women as nothing but pieces of ass to be fucked over at ever turn…One woman who has a child by my crazy fucked up brother succeeded in having my bat shit crazy brother thrown in prison for three years for being an abusive dip shit dick wad…My God my siblings are dip shits…More fucked up than I ever was…One of my crazy sisters married a former patient of hers with whom she had two children who are now fully grown and doing very well…My dip shit sister brought out the worst in her now ex husband who abused my sister because my sister is bat shit fucking crazy a hell cat on wheels and no man would want her for any length of time because my dip shit sister is very narcissistic too and will fuck any man married or not who looks at her twice…My God my fucked up horrible sister made moves on my other sister’s husband who is the brother of my dip shit sister’s ex husband…Talk about Jerry Springer madness bring it on my family is very Jerry Springer…My God our own crazy mother set me up to fail and my siblings have not done much better…My siblings believe they are above me and that I will always be their black sheep…For years all my crazy siblings did was abuse me beat me up verbally and physically and the only reason the hair pulling and beatings stopped is when I started to fight back…I had to literally throw one of my bitchy sisters to the ground and sucker punch that bitch nearly knocking her out to get it into her thick head that I was done with her and her bullshit…That bitch ran to our mother who for once in her life was glad that I stood up to my bitch of a sister…My God that bitch would say terrible things to me…Things so horrible that I forget most of them…She would say things to me that were wicked…She would call me “retard” and other names because I had special needs…My God I never got any help in my home…The abuse I got was unreal I was abandoned and neglected from the day I was born and the only reason I am still alive is by some extraordinary miracle…My God my own mother wanted me dead for years…Around the age of nine I decided I wanted to be dead I did not want to live any more…So I stopped eating my mother’s food…My mother hated me anyway so I figured why eat???…I was not worth feeding anyway according to my demonic wretched mother…So I stopped eating…My mother would force me to eat..I would go to the bathroom and induce vomiting and throw up my food…As I write this I feel the emotional scars from the years of my traumatized horrible fucked up childhood…I was only nine years old and I already wanted to be dead…No wonder suicide rates are very high in Ireland and around the world…I got very sick from this practice of not eating for I had rejected my own mother who rejected me first…I rejected her food I rejected her care I rejected everything about that woman for that woman my own mother repulsed me with her chain smoker bad breath and foul language and constant abuse…I was done with that woman at the tender age of nine…I missed a lot of school that year due to being very ill…I was so weak my mother had me lying on the floor by the heating area which was a radiator with heat…My mother let me lie there and I waited to die…I refused her help I refused her food I refused her soup…I was gone…I was already dead inside…My God my demented mother forced me to go to the same hand that destroyed our lineage for centuries the filthy vile roman catholic church…My demented mother dragged all of us to that church to pray to a God that never forgave a God that hated children a God that encouraged abuse vile child abuse particularly pedophile abuse which was done in that church for centuries in the name of their God…My God I was filled with toxic shame from a very young age…My God I was forced to confess to pedophile priests that I was evil and bad as a child from the tender age of seven on up due to molestation done to me by own brothers who were accessed for abuse by the same tentacled hand with its long reach for years…Jerry Springer has got nothing on my fucked up family…My father noticed that I was very pale and wanted to take me to the doctor…My mother refused my father this and my father threatened to have my mother arrested for abusing me if my mother failed to get me better within the week my father was going to leave my horrible mother…My father had it out with my mother on many occasions and on many counts of abuse not only to me but to my other siblings…My father hated coming home to my sick twisted demented mother…My father hated coming home so much that he took to the drink with a vengeance and I remember seeing my father drive to the bottom of our road in his car then turn around because he could not bear the thought of coming home to our angry horrible mother who was always yelling and screaming at everybody and blaming our father for everything under the sun…My father often came home drunk or flutered out of his gills…Flutered is a slang term among the Irish for being drunk off your arse…In his drunken state my father would often accuse my mother of fucking the post man or any man that walked and of having children by other men…Those verbal attacks done in drunken rages hurt my mother very deeply…Despite serious problems our mother never had an affair and our mother never had strange men over to our house…My parents were fucked up…It was not their fault…Centuries of systemic abuse set my family up to fail…My parents were set up to fail long before they ever met fell in love which they did my parents were genuinely in love when they got married…My God my poor father had no idea what the hell was wrong with his beautiful wife…The beauty lovely that he married was beastly and my father could not understand why and how it was that he never saw the ugly beastly side of our damaged mother before it was too late…Years into a bad marriage and eight children later was too late…To their credit despite married life being very hard on both my parents…My father’s drinking did not help and of course my mother’s serious problems were and remain very serious…My parents stayed the course for the sake of their children…My parents to their credit sacrificed everything for all eight of us…My poor father apologized to my mother many times for his drunken rages…My parents loved each other but the problems the baggage they brought to their table of woes their table of sorrows in marriage was not their doing or their fault…Systemic abuse produced in my mother diabolical pride in the form of narcissism gone horribly wrong and alcohol addiction in my father who suffered a lot due to his condition of polio…My father contracted polio in 1947 at the tender age of 11…So for my father his life was altered beyond repair from a very young age…When he was sober my father was a very kind and gentle soul and tis true that birds would land on his hands…I could never refuse my own beloved father a request…That being said as a teenager living in America I was the only one who figured out how to get the damned walking stick off my father when he was drunk…My father had a supernatural strength when he was drunk…He fought a lot with my brothers and try as they might using brute force my brothers seldom if ever could wrench that walking stick out of our father’s hands when our dad was being a drunken dick head…I will tell you how I got the stick off him every time with great ease though I was weak I was smart and I fought hard and I fought smart…I was smart in the way I fought for my own piece of turf growing up in the shit hole I call hell as an Irish child…As a teenager in America my father would come home drunk angry and obnoxious…My father was disappointed with my brothers who did not turn out very well…My brothers made many mistakes and did not do as well as my father hoped they would do…Tis not the fault of my brothers as they were dealt a hard blow growing up in Ireland as Irish boys hated by the hands that fed them both the church and state via the vile Irish school system…My father would sit down and I was the only family member left willing to make my difficult pain in the ass angry father a cup of tea…My father sabotaged his relationship with my brothers by waking those poor young men up in the middle of the night yelling at how useless and good for nothing his sons were and he would beat my poor brothers with his walking stick while they were sleeping…My God talk about terror and a state of fear…This terrorized my poor brothers who were teenagers too…I witnessed my horrible drunken father act this way as if possessed by the demons found in the booze he drank…What my father did to my poor young brothers was demonic…It really was…My family mess is demonic…It is horrible…So by the time my father came home no one was around to serve him…Our family was ambushed from within the confines of our own home…Beating his own sons like that in the middle of the night with his stick my father ambushed and attacked his own sons…Our family scattered and hid from our horrible father including our own mother who had had enough of Dad’s vicious vile verbal abuse and attacks and disappointments no woman married or not married it does not matter should ever have to put up with…My father would raise cain with me which became a diabolical dance…I moved away from his walking stick so when he tried to strike me he failed and as soon as that walking stick was in the air with my father’s arm outstretched I reached out my arm whacked that stick with the side of my arm away from me and clamped my grip on that stick with my hand and grabbed it from my father so fast he did not know what hit him…The first time I did this my father fell down flat on his ass which was his reward for abusing me…Someone had to do it because my father had to be taught a lesson he would never forget…My father angered me his number five I was royally pissed and I was tired of witnessing the moral decay and decline in my father…To see my own father in this deplorable despicable state was awful…My father had to get himself up…I refused to help him to get up…I treated my father like a child…I told that man that he must cease and desist this abuse and that as long as I was around he would not get away with putting his hands on me…I would make my father his cup of tea…I would keep his walking stick away from him until my father calmed down…My father was expert at demanding sympathy from all eight of us and my father leveraged his condition to manipulate us and to control our emotions to do his bidding so as to accept his beatings and verbal abuse…My father was very like his living sister Sheila who is a horrible nun whom I also had to put in her place recently during my time in Ireland…My father had to beg me for his walking stick…I did not return him his walking stick which was my father’s favorite weapon of destruction in our family a weapon my father used on me from the tender age of five on up…I did nothing except stand and watch my father finish his cup of tea which I made the way he liked his tea…With milk and no sugar and not too much milk…My father gave up sugar in his tea a typical staunch lost sheep Irish Catholic condition to give stuff up in lent under the false belief that giving up sugar in his tea made that man holy meanwhile he drank to excess and beat his own children with his lips of war verbal abuse and vile beatings with his weaponized walking stick…Giving up sugar in his tea did not make my father holy…Pictures of Padre Pio on the wall of our home and other stupid statues of Mary and such did not make my father and mother holy…Constant trips to the roman catholic gulag of a church with all eight of their children in tow did not make my parents holy…The communions they ate and prayers said with haste never made my parents holy…Drunk as a skunk sitting at table drinking a cuppa tea from the daughter he abused did not make my father holy…My father once fondled my breasts when I was a teenager and commented that unlike my mother who never had breasts I had breasts…My God my father was demented…I was old enough then to avoid my awful father and avoid him like the plague is exactly what I did…My father never molested me as a child in that my father prior to that incident when I was a young teenage girl…Never molested me but that being said…My father would ask me as a child to lie with him in bed so that he could use my warm body to warm his legs which had very bad circulation in them and were often purple in color due to his polio…My father would thank me for allowing this and my father would push his penis out of the way so as to experience the warmth from my body for his legs but also to avoid anything sexual…My father was not a vile child molester…Sadly through these experiences particularly after my own brothers started to sexually molest me…I learned from a young age that I was nothing but a piece of meat a warm body nothing more and nothing less to be used…By the time I was a teenager my parents marriage had declined and dissolved from their lovely wedding day to something banal and beastly…What made my mother holy was dreaded child birth which to the devil is a dreaded way good comes out of bad…Women who birth their babies regardless of the number of babies these women birth whether it is one or more…The number of births does not matter what matters is this…If a woman despite serious problems or issues in her life path avoids contraception use and abortions and will full sterilization procedures she accomplishes this…She keeps her womb sacred and as such her body is sacred…My mother and father are holy for all eternity for one reason alone…My father never wasted his seed with other women…My father never used birth control and my mother also never wasted her fertility with other men or had affairs and as such both my parents despite serious problems are holy…Both my parents were very disappointed in life by many things which altered their very existence including ways they interacted with each other and their own children…I must add that after five rounds of me successfully removing from his person his weaponized walking stick…My father stopped beating me and left me alone after that…My father saw that I had intelligence and ways of fighting that surprised him and landed that man flat on his arse on more than one occasion…I knocked my father down without lifting a finger without harming that man I fought without fighting…I removed the weapon and kicked his butt…In the art of war it is not brute strength that wins it is fighting with intelligence using little energy that wins…Remove the weapon you have a sitting duck…Quack Quack…My awful childhood prepared me for these times…My experiences of having to learn to fight for my own existence from a very young age made me who I am today…Tear gas is used these days to silence excessively violent protesters its a way of fighting with little energy that sends the foe falling down instead of running…In the art of war you pick your battles and for many of us myself included…There are many hills I am not willing or ready to die on so tear gas is fine with me and more effective too…The amount of energy it takes to silence and arrest violent protesters who cannot be reasoned with is excessive and a waste of valuable time and resources and in the fray more lives can be lost…Tear gas though not popular or loved is most effective in dropping the foe like flies who get to live to tell their tales of woe…Unborn children are forced to die and their tale of woe has been left unsaid…Unborn children are systemically and categorically destroyed by woeful profane unjust laws and nothing gets said or done about the warfare waged on the womb in the modern art of war…As war machines continue to rage what is becoming clearer day by day to fallen man is this…World picks no longer have the power our world leaders are no longer in control…For the God of life has struck the hour allowing the devil full control over our dark lost world…To teach mankind an eternal lesson you disobey the word of God you spit in the face of the God of life…You demand forgiveness and mercy for your merciless abortion laws and sins and satan who is the devil calls us all war pigs…In the eyes of the devil we are all war pigs…In the eyes of the devil we crawl on our bellies like war pigs pleading mercy for our sins and with a mighty laugh satan spreads his wings…Like pawns in chess the devil uses all of us from every walk of life to destroy humanity in a very bad theatrical show…It does not matter who or what you are when the devil rules this world which he already does we are all war pigs…The devil knows the creatures with whom and through whom he holds sway…Those in occult practices serve the devil who fills their heads with pride diabolical narcissistic pride…The whole world is in occult practices no one escapes occult practices…The number of idols are vast and the world watches in horror as many idols are being destroyed making international news…What mankind must never forget and would do well never to forget is this…The jealousy of the God of life is harder than hell…The God of life uses the devil like a pawn to test fallen man…Those who pass the test become angelic and holy like the angels in heaven…Those who fail the test which mankind can call a very bad game of chess…Become like the fallen angels from hell…Two thirds of humanity are like the fallen angels as evidenced by the one in three statistics that state it is one in three around the world who are accessed for abuse as children…This systemic pandemic child abuse produces one in three who are sociopaths and often psychopaths with no empathy and full of narcissistic diabolical pride…With this crop of modern narcissists you see unfolding before you the spawn the seed of the devil…Those whose spirits are changed to that of the fallen angels view unborn children as war pigs as blobs of tissues to be destroyed…And those who oppose them as war pigs and laughing they spread their wings of unjust laws and profane banal policies of destruction protecting their own vile criminals while profaning and destroying holy innocents they seek to blot out from the face of the earth the name of the God of life…All seven churches had their spirits changed through occult practices done in the dark and in the open to attract luciferian fallen angels who work through the changed spirits for the wicked who blood let for the devil…Who lie cheat kill and destroy in the name of God…Who tell their sworn enemies how smart they are so as to believe they have power and might and laughing satan continues spreading his wings…Profane laws from lips of wars from mouths of canon’s like Napoloen Bonaparte’s lips of wars his canon of a mouth…Protects and relocates war criminals who are pedophiles in the art of war on all flesh…Attacks and destroys their opposition by playing the victim role and profane laws such as the profane statute of limitations…Eternal natural law is not limited to profane laws…The laws of the most high God of life are not limited by profane unjust laws and policies…Eternal justice will be served for no justice was done on earth…Few if any will stand on the day of contention when the dread father chooses to show the world the ways of the wicked lost sheep whose lives are kept on mystical record to be revealed to all on the dreaded day of contention…My God we have already been ambushed and destroyed by centuries of war…There is nothing left to be ambushed…The children are no more the earth is already empty…I will now quote from Akiane’s amazing poem An Ambush…”you confessed that you stood against me. Quietly you marked with your venom all the secrets of all centuries that were not spoken even in castles. The lives that did not breathe like you—you took. You are planning an ambush but the world is already empty.” To read all of this amazing poem you need to obtain your own copy…My God this poem was written for the times we are living in…We have already been ambushed many times throughout the centuries…There is nothing left to ambush for hearts and minds are destroyed form centuries of systemic abuse…There is nothing left to ambush…For to ambush the losing side is an epic fail for mankind was destroyed long ago…As a thank you for reading this reflection enjoy my mystical creative writing piece titled The Art Of War which I also sing on You Tube…I include my song titled The Art Of War at the end of this reflection…I sing my song The Art Of War in five languages…

The Art Of War

In the art of war there are no winners…In the art of war there are the lies of sinners…In the art of war all sides loose…For the game of chess was just a muse invented by the God of life through fallen man to test…The art of war makes no sense as death and destruction through anarchy flows…Idols are destroyed how little mankind truly knows…For centuries their idols talked for centuries their idols walked for centuries their idols boasted and toasted forcing war pigs on their knees in all seven churches and oh! how they boasted of their exploits of war pigs on knees the idols rejoiced…Forgetting they too are war pigs indeed whose greed and fowl snares captured them with ease…Forgetting who is really in charge their master at ease their dark lord of lords…World picks and war pigs do not have the power for the God of life has struck the hour…The test was commenced and is about to end…As heaven and earth passes away the word of God remains eternal and since his first day of rest…The God of life did not like this test but test mankind he did with the devil as his pawn…The angelic will mourn that this was done for heaven takes no pleasure in destruction…The fallen angelic will gnash their teeth for all eternity for what the word of God said will be done…No one on earth can stop this…Not even the devil who rules this place can stop this that is his disgrace…The disgrace of the devil is being said and what the word of God said will be done…

The End

As a thank you for reading this reflection…Enjoy three of my latest mystical songs…Titled piece of me and I am and The Art Of War which is my mystical creative writing piece in song…I sing The Art Of War in five languages…I might add that unlike so many who boast on social media about good grades…I made it to the National Dean’s list and National President’s list as a college student and told no one…I kept my accomplishments to myself as no one gave a rats ass what I did or did not do…I was always self motivated…One of my many false friends a very proud narcissistic young catholic woman asked if we could compare college credits…She was certain she had completed more college than me…I never told her I completed a total of six years of college so when my college credits doubled what she had earned in college she was dumbfounded…I witnessed her jaw drop in shock shock horror that I had accomplished more college credits than her…Horribly proud people ruin it for the simple folk which is why these days I prefer to keep to myself and befriend the animal kingdom and nature and avoid horrible people like the plague…The plague of one in three horribly narcissistic diabolical humans…Social media feeds off of narcissistic diabolical pride and is ridiculous…Particularly the frenzy behind the pressure to like others posts and such…Many false friends abound these days and these false friends fill all seven churches and populate social media…Thank you for reading my reflections and for liking and following my blog…Namaste…

…………The Art Of War – In five languages…In The Art Of War there are no winners only lies of sinners…………
…………A Piece Of Me – But I’m Already in pieces…………
…………I am – I always was and always will be…………