Confused – A Reflection

This poem titled Confused was authored by Akiane kramarik at age 10 in her book titled My Dream Is Bigger Than I – Memories of Tomorrow – Part Four Page 166 “You will need your own copy of this book to view the full text of this poem.  I limit quotes for the purpose of discussion and to follow copyright guidelines that allows for limited quotes.”

This poem titled Confused consists of three stanzas with six lines each…The photograph I choose this time is of me knitting…Knitting is one of my hobbies that I do from time to time…I love to knit and I am not good at knitting…Knitting is a very relaxing and calming exercise so during stressful times I will do what is called therapeutic knitting…It does not matter if I finish the scarf I started…I do realize that for those who are serious about knitting the idea of not finishing a knitted item sounds mad…Fair enough I am not a professional at knitting…Knitting is very therapeutic for many reasons…You have the kinetic energy of me using my body through the calming activity of causing motion in otherwise lifeless wool…Now not kinetic energy in that the wool will remain in motion which is what the technical definition of Kinetic energy is…Kinetic energy describes molecules in motion that once mobilized stay in motion…Human beings are Kinetic we are balls of energy in our rest and in our activities we are constantly in motion…Wool is not constantly in motion unless we use our kinetic energy to apply ourselves to the task of forcing wool to work for our needs such as a sweater that we knit or a scarf…Kinetic energy which is what human beings are means that we are a living force…We can be a living force for good or evil either way the human being is a Kinetic ball of energy a living force…It has been a long time since I picked up my scarf to knit because between my new part time job my blog my you tube my recently injured dog and most importantly and last but certainly not least my growing son I am extremely busy…I do knit a few times a year at times when my stress levels are high knitting is very therapeutic and soothing…Knitting is therapeutic because my senses are soothed by the softness of the wool my hands are engaged in a creative task of knitting the wool into a scarf…My brain is soothed by focusing on this kinetic task at hand the kinetic or kinesis found in my inactive wool that has no energy to it. The wool is not a living force and is dead kinesis with no kinetic energy to it…I am the human living force behind that wool…Knitting is very therapeutic and very calming particularly if your mind gets flooded and is racing with many concerns that can cause anxiety…I have learned to deal with anxiety…It took me years to learn how to cope with anxiety…I used to get very anxious about many things…I also used to take medication for anxiety…So I understand what it means to be anxious..If what I share on this blog and you tube helps others I would be glad…I no longer get anxious like I used to because I focus on the task at hand and I compartmentalize in my mind my priorities…I do not let negative things or events interfere with my focus…This is what makes people successful the ability to remove from your head the debris or waste caused by useless worthless horrible people who want to rent free space in your head…I will now quote form Akiane’s amazing poem titled Confused…”the altar of influence gets altered”…”each mockery absorbed in my scars”…”in the depths of me on a loom i weave a fabric drenched with the unknown”….I quoted from all three stanzas but purposely left out many lines of this fantastic poem…To follow copyright guidelines that allow for limited quotes for purposes of this review in the form of reflections…Many today are confused about many things…Navigating life can be very confusing…In the work I do I receive many calls about love and relationships…I help many people who are already in an existing relationship…I am not a mind reader and I avoid timelines like the plague because due to free will and so many variables timelines often change…Time is never set in stone…Many today are very confused about the meaning of the word Love…Many confuse love with sex that if they are sexual with their person of interest that sex means love…I understand this well because for many years I too was very confused about love…I also thought that being sexual with my partner meant love…Sadly though many men and women too are able to have sex like you have a ham sandwich…A man I grew up with once said to me in the USA and I quote him now he said to me once while flirting with me for sex that “sex is like a ham sandwich” no big deal…I had a boyfriend at the time of that flirtation so I said no that I had no interest in him and another male friend who was present during that bold flirtation where the young man I had grown up with in Ireland who was visiting our family in the USA had placed his hand on my left leg on my knee a man’s way of asking for sex…That other young man defended my right to say no. Nothing came of that flirtation but I was disgusted with my male friend and that day that man lost any shred of respect I had for him…In my eyes he had lowered himself he was indecent and not worthy of the time of day…I decided then and there that I would never have anything romantic or sexual to do with that man…I did not want to get a sexually transmitted disease and that young man was running around screwing any two legs that said yes who were female…That man went on to marry a lovely woman he has a beautiful wife and they have two children…He eventually grew up and became a man and is doing very well…To this day I do not find that man attractive at all…I have limited contact with him on social media due to our family ties…He is in Australia with his lovely wife and cute children I am in the USA a world away…To this day I wonder does he have a nasty STD that he carries because of his nasty lifestyle in his youth…To this day I wonder is he faithful to his beautiful wife and mother of his children…When I was in Ireland I had limited interaction via social media with him…He flew to Ireland on his own prior to the pandemic hitting the world stage and published on his social media in a public way his personal contact details to connect with friends and such…I noticed that he had done this but there was no way in hell I was calling him…Here he was in Ireland for a sporting event focused on connecting with friends…Due to my horrible experience with that man in our youth there was no way in hell I would ever call him…In my eyes once a cad always a cad once a player always a player…I wonder if he hooked up with some of the women who fawned over him on social media…With his wife at home in Australia who knows…I do not trust men like that and I avoid men like that like the plague…Limited messages on social media that his wife can also see is fine by me…As long as his wife gets to see everything too…I never met his lovely wife so I do not write to him on social media much at all out of respect for myself and for him and his marriage a respect I have for his wife whom I never met as well…When you have self respect it is easy to be respectful of others…It is when you do not respect yourself that respecting others is often not so easy…The young man who defended me years ago I got to see once at John F. Kennedy Airport in New York City…He was either coming or going on a flight and I was on my way to Hong Kong China…It was a unique neat experience because he recognized me in a large crowd…John F. Kennedy Airport is massive huge so for that fella to notice me was remarkable…He said hi and was happy to see me I was happy to see him too then we went our separate ways…I went to Hong Kong and he went wherever he was destined to go…That nice young man who was very handsome went on to marry a lovely woman ten years younger than him…She is a lawyer and they have two children…How they got together is a short story that I will tell you here…The young man who like myself now is older now but was young then was engaged to a woman from his homeland Ireland…And his current wife was also engaged to someone else a man…The woman and man that both were engaged to got involved with each other and thus betrayed their engagements to these two individuals…The heartbreak for both was terrible so these two got together over their shared broken hearts…What is so amazing is these two fell madly in love and got married so their love story is unique and one for the books…I was genuinely happy for both of them because love for many today is often confused at best and hard if not possible many times to find…These two found each other and are to this day a ship in the harbor of their marriage their love…They share two lovely children together too..Years ago at a social event for our families in New York City that cost one hundred dollars a plate which for simple folk like me tis a lot of money for food…The food was excellent and well worth the expense and I enjoyed that event very much…Now I have always been single even though I was engaged to be married twice over the years one engagement was at age 21 and the other engagement was at age 23…I never married and I am glad and relieved and grateful I never married either one of those fellas…One of them did marry a woman years later but abused her and though they had many children together…I received a phone call from investigative services who asked me for permission to discuss my experiences with that man…I shared that I thought that man was not stable and a potential abuser…What I shared matched his particular pathology and helped investigative services to help his poor wife and mother of his children…I do not know to this day whether or not his wife got the hell away from him…I have no idea…I was told he lost his professional medical license due to the abuse…I am sorry for his wife and mother of his children and I am grateful that by breaking up that engagement I dodged a bullet…After I broke off both engagements I forgot about men completely and simply accepted my single state in life…So that when I attended that social event in NYC I was as always fabulously single…I did not have my son then…What I tell you next describes the pathology behind narcissistic crazy females who are also very insecure…The young man I grew up with was at that social event with his current wife…I do not recall at the time if they were already married but they were very much in love and an established couple to be sure…At the very least engaged to be married or married…My memory is not great…It never occurred to me for a second to think about her partner because handsome as he was he was very handsome in my mind he was taken full stop and very simple…During my brief interaction with the two of them his wife said to me and I quote…”Would you like to borrow my husband for a dance?” Gosh yes they were married then I remember now…I was appalled by that and with a stern and firm admonishing tone of voice I replied absolutely not…As did her devoted husband who was embarrassed she said that and seemed to be angry that his wife stooped so low as to suggest her man dance with another woman…I was mad at her too because she was a boob job a blithering idiot and for a lawyer I was very surprised that an educated confident young wife would talk like that…She was then and remains to this day a pathetic sad insecure horrible educated idiotic woman…Did she want her poor husband to dance with another woman to set him up to fail? Who knows crazy women do stupid things all the time with no outside help to sabotage their own marriages…I see it all the time…I never danced at that event…I did offer my now deceased Uncle John May he rest in peace a dance and because he was grieving the loss of his dearly beloved wife my beloved Aunt Winnie his sweetheart and wife of many years my beloved Uncle John politely and kindly declined my offer…I was relieved actually and to this day I have great admiration and respect for my late Uncle John and during my most recent sojourn to Ireland where I lived for two years…I had a vivid dream during my sleep state that my beloved dearly departed kind Uncle John is in Heaven…I believe he is in heaven for he was always very kind and generous too..My uncle John and his wife my beloved Aunt Winnie could not have children of their own…So they adopted four children in Ireland at a time when adopting Irish children in Ireland was next to impossible…My Uncle John and Aunt Winnie adopted four orphaned Irish children whose birth parents were sadly not able due to unknown circumstances to raise those two boys and girls who are all grown adults now…My Aunt Winnie like my Uncle John was beautiful inside and outside and though I recall Winnie as an older lady in my heart my Aunt Winnie will always be lovely beautiful and kind the same for my late Uncle John …May they both rest in peace…As the years passed I would contact my friends from my youth in Ireland and America via social media…Including that couple the lawyer and her husband…Over time I noticed that this woman would hijack any communications I had with her husband which were minimal in nature and which I always insisted that man share anything I said to him with his spouse…There was nothing to hide because during those times of brief communication I was always either in another country or so far away from those two that there was no chance in hell anything untoward could be done…Due to his wife’s neurotic behavior that poor husband simply stopped communicating with me because on my part I had stopped communicating with him and simply sent any messages I had to either just his wife or both of them depending….My messages were mostly simple or information about my own passions such as music and blogging and travel…During my time in Ireland that wife would write digs at me and make fun of my single state in life by making ignorant suggestions such as perhaps a farmer in Ireland would marry me…Now I have a crazy wicked sense of humor so I told that silly woman that no self respecting farmer in his right mind would want a silly woman like me…I am not farm wife material…Full stop and besides tis insulting the poor farmers to even suggest such a thing…I say this because stupid women say rude things and insult men and women alike with their profane idiotic comments best left unsaid…I reduced my communications with this couple because communicating simple messages was extremely awkward and so I would forget they existed full stop…Then on occasion my messenger would receive a stupid video or image which were digs at the stuff I do…That shithead lawyer now well into her thirties who refuses to cut her hair which at her age looks terrible…Was comparing herself to me a very silly thing to do…And sending me negative hate messages because she has always been a hater…She hated me ever since she met me…I have no idea why and I don’t care either…Years ago in her twenties her bottle colored long blond hair though not naturally blonde looked fabulous on her…She was a beauty back then…Now years later that same blond hair makes her look like a wicked witch of the west and does nothing for her…She would look better with a shorter hair style shoulder length and a dark color than the awful blonde tresses she has now that makes her hair look like long yellow straw…If she would listen to me I would tell her to change her hairstyle…Far be it for me to correct her in her eyes I am hated and not worthy of any degree of respect…So I leave her to her own devices…After I recently cut my hair for health reasons…I had no choice because I have been very sick lately…This stupid awful horrible bitch sent me one last dig…Another dumb ass’d video poking fun at my single status and short hair…It never occurred to that insecure bimbo boob job lawyer to ask me if I am in good health…That did it…I took my final dig at her and made fun of her…I replied to her as follows you have a cute husband…You make a darling couple…So why not get knocked up? After all you are already married with two cute children…I said you make cute kids together…I also added unless of course you birth controlled or contracepted your other future children out of existence…I am certain she rolled her eyes at that response…I said you and your husband are like Jack Sprat and his wife very cute so why not have more kids?…I then blocked her and her partner once and for all because she lost my respect…Respect has to be earned and she lost my respect years ago…I do not care what the hell a village idiot lawyer like that thinks about me…Not every educated person is smart there are too many educated village idiots in the world…She is one of them and I pity the fool who married her…I do not suffer fools and for that I am most grateful…That wife is very confused and will never change…Women like this neurotic wife are insecure because sadly there are much worse women than this wife out there…Women whom I call astaroth women which has inspired my latest song titled astaroth woman…Sad to say I recall at the public event that I attended a horrible woman not known to me boasting in the women’s bathroom about her ability to use her beauty to seduce “married men”…Wives need not fear women like me…astoroth women would do well to fear women like me…For hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and while I was scorned the scorn I suffered is shared by many other good women like that insecure neurotic wife…God love her horrible women ruin good women and destroy their peace…Let the wicked women not devoted wives rather wicked astaroth women fear me…For though I am small and not much the one I serve has been scorned for centuries now she is the one astaroth women will fear when it is too late for them at the moment of contention…Mystical Mary will crush astaroth women and their head who is the devil himself…To all devoted wives including the insecure wives I wrote of here…God love you all I dedicate this post to all of you…You need not fear me for I do not desire your husbands…Tis astaroth women who will learn to fear women like me…For wicked women I am unto these astaroth women terrible like an army set in battle array…I declare a mystical war on astaroth women whose vicious vile demonic hate and anger is no match for my God the God of life the God of my tribe…The tribe of Dan and all of heaven is set to destroy astaroth women…Heaven help us all…As a thank you for reading this reflection enjoy my latest song titled astaroth woman…

Addressing the female demon astaroth!!!!!!!!!!!!