Here I Am – A Reflection

This poem titled Here I Am was authored by Akiane kramarik at age 10 in her book titled My Dream Is Bigger Than I – Memories of Tomorrow – Part Four Page 152 “You will need your own copy of this book to view the full text of this poem.  I limit quotes for the purpose of discussion and to follow copyright guidelines that allows for limited quotes.”

This poem Here I Am consists of four stanzas with six lines each…The photograph that I choose for this reflection is one I took of myself wearing quality Irish wool that I purchased in Ireland…Where I live now I would die of sweat but in Ireland I absolutely loved this wool…For colder climates like Ireland you won’t beat it…If your wool gets wet then simply let it air dry this wool maintains very well but to clean it you need to be very careful…I will share with my readers the lovely Irish store that I purchased my woollies from during my time in Ireland… – It is cheaper to purchase your woollies from the USA than it is to buy it in Ireland due to the high cost of the VAT which is value added tax and shipping costs…This Irish Online store is excellent and very good about returns too…I will now quote from Akiane’s amazing poem from the first stanza all four stanzas open with the same three words…”Here I am—in a barking solo exhibit where my art is unframed and where I paint the final details on all finished paintings.”—-We are all works of art and the whole universe this mighty frame is a massive work of art…Art is beautiful…Art is lovely and Art often brings out the best in us…There are beautiful lovely works of art and there are also dark arts…Dark arts feed off of energy except the kind of energy it exudes is negative and dark art will bleed dry the goodwill in people of goodwill…Dark artists demand sympathy and loyalty and respect that they do not deserve and are not entitled to…Yet dark artists demand this and many dark artists are extremely narcissistic with sociopath psychopathy that is not safe for others who encounter these abusive types…Many dark artists are not always aware that they are expert in dark art…Have you ever met a total stranger who glared at you with vile angry hatred and you found yourself taken aback by this look of hostility by their hostile glare which is not a stare rather a hostile glare???…If you have ever experienced that it can be very unsettling…I will now tell you a story of an encounter I had with a horrible woman who was into witchcraft but did not seem to understand what she herself had become which was and remains a wicked witch…I have experienced more hostile glares and hostility from hostile women than hostile men…It is important I tell you this because women can often be far worse than men…Many women are what I call the “Iron Maiden’s” of this lost modern world…I wrote a song recently titled Iron Maiden inspired by the rock band Iron Maiden’s song titled 2 minutes to midnight and by Metallica’s song titled Nothing Else Matters…In this song I address the wicked Iron Maidens of this lost world…Now my YouTube channel is for adults only and this particular song was restricted by myself for folks who are eighteen years old or older…I also do not allow comments on my YouTube to avoid the problem of underage viewers making comments…YouTube has a much needed and valued rating system whereby the You Tuber can decide if their You Tube is fit for children or not…I think that is great and I choose to limit both my You Tube channels for adults only…Now if you do not like cussing in songs then my Iron Maiden song is not for you…However if you enjoy the concept of telling horrible women who are nightmares on earth to deal with off!!!…Then this song may be perfect for you…For me as a writer and recording artist a work of art—-I consider myself “a barking solo exhibit”…I sure do consider myself as such…My message is simple if ya don’t like my stuff simply x out of it and move on to other stuff ya like…Life is too short to feed negative energy…I am a very positive person and I like to say “just dab on them haters”….So many today love to hate others who behave look and act differently and who do not conform to their warped standards of how these narcs or narcissists view the world…At the end of this reflection I will include my latest song titled Iron Maiden which is my Christian perspective on horrible women…And hell yeah I cuss like a sailor at times too…I never claimed to be perfect which is a great relief…I am a huge believer in therapeutic cussing…Go cuss at a tree if ya need to or go into your room and scream into your pillow…Cuss your pillow out of it…Why not??? You are not harming anyone the tree will not know what you are on about and will continue being a tree and your pillow the same…Your pillow will still give you a soft landing for a wee comforting nap after you have it out with the horrible person or people you need to confront by practicing first on your pillow…Do not yell and cuss at your pets I do not do that to my very cute puppy because our pets are sensitive and emotionally intelligent beings and can tell when you are angry or upset..Also do not cuss out your partner and loved ones…This is very important too…Do not take your anger out on those you love…Sure cuss and piss and moan at your pillow believe me your pillow can handle it…Or go holler at the nearest tree and when you are done hug that tree…The tree will never stop being a tree…Your pillow will always provide you a soft place for which to lay your head….Unless of course you punch the filling out of your poor pillow…I say this because in today’s world many are not allowed or able to be angry or get angry and if you fail to remain calm in difficult situations then many today are accused of becoming “elevated” and can be labeled as mentally unstable or mentally unwell for being emotional and angry…When dealing with difficult situations if you notice you are becoming emotional and upset do as I did in one of my stories when dealing with a nasty clinic…Simply disengage yourself walk away and wait until you calm down…If you need to phone a trusted friend who understands you to vent that is fine too…True friends can handle the occasional venting phone sessions…Once you are calm cool and collected then go ahead and calmly deal with the situation and to keep the peace even if you are not in the wrong apologize if you did raise your voice…Then proceed in a calm plain manner to address the behavior problems that need to change…Sadly human beings do not come with warning signs or text books making navigating dealing with difficult situations extremely awkward and difficult at times…Better to punch the stuffing out of your pillow than to take your anger out on your loved ones…I have a message about anger…Anger is not bad anger is not evil or wicked…How we deal with our anger is key…How we manage our emotions is what matters most…Where I live we have a train that goes by many times a day…There are times I find this noisy train to be very charming and I love to see it pass by…Then there are times I hate the very loud noise it makes because that train passes by at times not conducive for my need for silence…This is funny and true of me…I know that the world including the trains that come and go do not revolve around me…A good thing too…Well if I really need to let out a loud scream or vent all I have to do without leaving the grounds where I live is wait for the train to pass then for a few seconds I can hoot and holler and no one will hear me or know to bother me over my right to be angry at times…If you live in an area where noisy trains pass for safety reasons there is no need to go to the train track…Simply become one with the noise from the train and for a moment let it go and scream bloody murder…No one will hear you and if someone passing by should see you do this…Simply say it is my self empowering way of therapeutically letting off steam in a way that does not hurt the ears of my neighbors so I do this only when the noisy train passes…Most people will receive that message well and many may consider doing the same…Why not??? I have a wonderful former boss who used to let out loud screams in her office then resume her work…When I first witnessed my awesome boss doing that I was afraid I was in trouble for something…Nope she smiled her warm people friendly small and reassured me it was her way of coping and dealing with the stress that comes with owning and operating your own business….I have great respect for my former boss and I learned a lot from her when it comes to emotional intelligence…She is very bright and emotionally intelligent…Business is still booming for her and she gets so busy she cannot take personal phone calls…That is a successful self made business woman and I tip my hat to my former boss as a mark of great respect…As I write I can hear the morning train pass by with its rumbling choo…Choo…I do not need to hoot and holler because I am calm and in a good place…Right now hearing the morning train is part of the charm which includes hearing the morning birds sing…Now I know that should I need to rant and rave I can do that to the train that train will not stop being a train or to my pillow that will soften the blows of life when I take a wee nap afterwards…We need to change the discussion around anger…Anger is not always a bad thing and anger can motivate us to want to change the world for the better…Consider the just anger over the unjust laws and injustice of crimes against the humanity of our species…Just anger is a fine thing just anger motivates many to get law degrees or other achievements so they can change the world one case at a time one person at a time…Now that I said all of this I will tell you a story about a horrible woman I encountered during my time in Ireland…I am giving my short story a title too…Here goes take a deep breath and relax…Time for a short story…

The Goody Bags – Pulse Incident

When I was in Ireland my child was going to the local school in the small village that I lived in…My son’s birthday often falls on days when school is out for holidays…This particular year school was in session so I started to make plans to celebrate my son’s birthday…I could not afford a lavish fancy party so I decided to inquire with the local tiny school if I could do something nice for my son’s classroom…My idea was to simply put goody bags together and to pass them out supervised by the school to the students on the day of my son’s birthday…I received verbal consent to go ahead and prepare goody bags I also received a hand written note from a member of staff telling me the number of students in my son’s classroom…In Ireland students are called pupils which is weird to me and I grew up in Ireland….I was born in Dublin in 1972 and lived in Ireland until I was fourteen years old and then moved to the USA with my family in 1986…As a child and young girl my perception of Ireland was very different than when I returned as a grown woman in my 40’s well able to understand the adult world more effectively than back then when I was a very shy young Irish Lass…I discussed with members of staff at that wee school exactly what would be in these goody bags and I also went to the trouble to see to it that two goody bags did not have sugary treats because two of my son’s classmates had dietary restrictions due to special dietary needs…I was not driving then so I put together around thirty inexpensive dollar store style simple goody bags…I purchased small plain brown paper bags and some smiley face stickers for decoration and I placed in all of these goody bags except for the the two with special needs…Either a Frisbee or Whoopee cushion children my son’s age love silly whoopee cushions…I also added a small juice box caprisun style drink and some sweets and fruit snacks and a small container of pringles…These goody bags were not expensive at all and I was well able to manage it…I went ahead and placed my goody bags in larger carrier bags for ease of transport and the school told me it was ok to bring these goody bags…I know better than to ever give a child that is not my own a thing without express consent from their parents…I also know better than to ever give a school child a thing without the cooperative collaborative consent of the school whose staff members would examine the goody bags and hand them out on my behalf…Children often have special dietary needs which makes giving treats to children you do not know never ok or safe to do without express parental collaborative consent…I arrived at the school with my treats and was instructed to wait outside until the dismissal bell rang…I handed a goody bag to the secretary who accepted it with a smile…I made up a few extras to hand to staff members if they waned one…Many adults are like children which is not always a bad thing…To be child like is not a bad thing…To be childish and spoiled rotten as an adult is never a good thing…I waited outside as instructed then I was asked to go to the assistant principals office to discuss the problem with my goody bags…When I received this request from both my son’s classroom teacher and the assistant principal I knew in my spirit that this would not go well…The regular principal was out that day…I must digress a moment to describe this assistant principal…My first encounter with her happened to take place one morning when I rang the doorbell to request to speak with a staff member about my son…I forget now why I needed to do that but this woman who is very young is also a teacher at this tiny school as well as an assistant principal…That woman glared at me with vile hatred and anger something that literally took me by surprise because I had no idea who she was but she seemed to know who I was…She tried to talk down to me and to treat me like one of her elementary students…That did not work with me and I got bossy with her and instructed her as to what she must do in relation to my request which turned into a bossy demand…Parents need to know their rights and how to stand their ground particularly when faced with abusive bully type women who can be awful to deal with…She did as I instructed her to do and backed off…I treated her like a naughty five year old child…So I knew from day one that witch and that is exactly what she is never liked me…The tiny village I lived in was full of haters and backbiters and gossips on power trips because they knew more about people like me a blow in from the USA than I knew about them…It did not take me long and it did not take much for me to find out all about my nasty neighbors…I leveled the intelligence playing field which served me well and helped me to put many nasty women in their place…Now back to that unnecessary meeting that took place over my goody bags…That witch the assistant principal proceeded to glare at me and said in a cooing voice she was creepy as hell “you can’t afford these goody bags”…And quote “these goody bags are” get this drum roll please….Is the suspense killing you yet??? “too big”…That was the only fault she could find with my goody bags…Now I am a huge fan of Seinfeld and so I said to that witch are you the “goody bag Nazi of Ireland???”…Just like the Soup Nazi in Seinfeld….I said you over step your bounds with parents like me and you think you can comment about my finances and such…I said obviously I could easily afford these here goody bags because they are already bought and paid for…I told that witch that she was being ridiculous and that her abuse of her position her abuse of her authority when it came to me and said goody bags would backfire…I further stated that she was trying to incite in me an angry response so as to compromise me should I become angry…My son’s nasty classroom teacher said to me and I quote “you are cross about nothing”…Creeps like this are expert in their craft of twisting anything you say or do or do not say or do…These women are bat shit crazy nut jobs…Very narcissistic too…That witch the assistant principal said in her odd cooing voice which was creepy I tell ya she sounded like something out of a rocky horror film…”You cannot hand out these goody bags and you must remove them from school property”…Talk about being on a power trip…I proceeded to do as she asked because I realized that I was at a great disadvantage and set up to fail at every turn…I politely asked the secretary to hand me back the goody bag I had handed to her and she politely gave it back to me…The nasty assistant principal an evil genius thought she had me…She said and I quote “you can pass these goody bags out to the students after school outside school grounds” Now I am not that stupid…So once I removed the goody bags I marched back into the reception area and asked that witch the assistant principal if she would be so kind as to put in writing her own words granting me consent to hand out “said goody bags” to school children from her school outside school grounds after the bell rang…I had her and she knew it…That witch glared at me and threatened to have me get this drum roll please I quote her now…”forcibly removed from school grounds”…I replied you are using threatening speech and abusing your position and no Garda will forcibly do a damn thing to me…In Ireland the police are called Garda…That witch proceeded to threaten to call the police…At which point I whipped out my cell phone and speed dialed the local Garda station because after all I had the Garda on speed dial…I beat her at her own diabolical game that witch literally screamed “oh no she is calling the Garda”…In situations like this you want police involvement because threatening speech is never ok…I spoke to the Garda and explained my goody bag predicament…The Garda were as always very helpful…I have great respect for our police forces around the world…My own grandfather was a Garda in Ireland…The Garda told me that without the consent of the school I cannot under any circumstances pass out goody bags…I agreed and the Garda offered to send out a police car…An offer I gratefully accepted…I quickly realized that I was in an entrapment scenario and could have been set up to crime…As follows…Had I insisted on handing out the goody bags I could have been arrested…I also realized that it would be best for all parties involved if I got the hell off those druidic wicked systemic Irish school grounds with all of my goody bags removed from the school grounds…By the time the Garda police car arrived I was calm cool and collected off school grounds…The Garda witnessed my compliance with what I was told to do…I proceeded to show the Garda the goody bags…I explained my purpose…The Garda understood and thought my kind gesture was very nice and not a bad idea…I told the Garda what the assistant principal said I could do which was to pass those goody bags out to these school children outside school grounds…The Garda gave me the right sound advice that under no circumstances could I do such a thing…I thanked them very much and told them I understand their position and why I could not risk handing out goody bags…I agreed it would be better to take my goody bags home…I did exactly what the Garda instructed me to do…By the time I was finished speaking to the two Garda who came…The school bell rang and the children were going home…My son came to me and I introduced my son to the Garda…I asked if the Garda could provide a courtesy ride home since I had so many goody bags to bring home…They could not under Irish regulations unless I was a prisoner I could not get a ride…It was a very good thing I did not become a prisoner that day…While walking home laden with goody bags with my son…A woman offered me a ride which I accepted…She was another mother with children…I did not under any circumstances offer her or her children a damn thing…The only reason she was there to drive us home was to keep up appearances so as to avoid the problem of others witnessing me walking home with goody bags as that would raise some eyebrows and questions…A few days later I followed up with the local Garda and learned that an incident number was filed for the assistant principal…I asked the Garda to lodge an incident report for me too but the Garda systemically and categorically refused to do that for me…The Garda were very kind in their explanation as to why…They said their hands are tied and no one would touch a police report filed by a parent of a child in the Irish school system…I was floored but not finished…I asked the Garda for a copy of that incident report…I was told it was a “pulse incident number’…I was given the pulse incident number and instructed to mail in a written request for my copy…I sent my written request by certified mail…I was told that to get a copy of that pulse incident report that I would have to be vetted and background checked at the Garda headquarters in Dublin…I knew that was bull shit of the highest order and that the Garda in Ireland are owned by vile corrupt sources hell bent on destroying anyone who dares to oppose them…I was always polite to the Garda…I did speak to the superintendent’s office who to their credit gave me a kind listening ear…I put to them that this woman the assistant principal is not a safe person and why she is not a safe person…That this assistant principal was a trained professional with a firm grasp of Irish laws governing her school grounds…Found in her training materials…I stated that this unsafe person tried to incite me to an angry response so as to set me up to crime had I been stupid enough to follow her horrible instructions…I further stated that this assistant principal was a danger to those school children and that she had no business abusing her position the way she did to set up a vulnerable single mother for a possible arrest thus destroying my fragile small family…The Garda heard me they really heard me they actually really did listen to me…I thanked the Garda very much for giving me a voice…I was heard loud and clear…I told the Garda that they did not need me calling them too much over that foul pulse incident report…That I would leave that alone…The Garda reassured me that I had nothing to worry about that all was well…Police have hard jobs on the best of days so they were glad I was calm and ok with not bothering with that pulse incident report request…Police have much larger fish to fry and much more important things to do with their time…Now that I tell you all of this…My son and I now had over thirty goody bags to enjoy…So we gave some away to our accepting and grateful kind neighbors we had nice neighbors too…Now in this Irish school children can bring in a treat from home on Fridays…I packed my son’s lunches for him because the school lunch program was wretched it was horrible…So every Friday from then on my Son got to bring in a treat from his goody bags…I also reused these goody bags for my son’s daily school lunches…I simply labeled the goody bag – Lunch bag…Legally the school could not do a damn thing about my right to re-purpose said goody bags…My son was able to tell all his friends what his mum was trying to do…My son was able to share some of his goody bag treats with his friends in school every Friday…My son told me that his teacher literally gasped when she saw the goody bag again being used for his school lunches…They could not do a damn thing about that…Shortly after that horrible experience we returned to the USA…I learned that this awful Deputy Principal or assistant principal got married and was demoted from her position as Deputy Principal and replaced by get this….Drum roll please….A wife of a local Garda a good woman who is also a teacher…That nasty former Deputy Principal remains as a teacher…My son told me that this witch verbally abused the children by calling the boys gay and other nasty names…My son told me that the school children despise that teacher for what she did to me and my son…That the children were angry that they were denied a kind deed in the form of a simple goody bag by that horrible wicked woman…I realize it may seem that there was no winning for me in that awful encounter…I like to say that I won no small victory which I call revenge of the nerds…I am white and nerdy and Irish to boot…Call me a geek after all I did write computer code for a while as well as permissions for work from home workers…With six years of college under my belt I am not a village idiot…I stood my ground and managed to in my own nerdy geeky underhanded way to get those goody bags back on school grounds without breaking the law…I am now infamous for being the terrible Goody Bag Bad Mum for daring to bring goody bags that were “too big” –“too generous” for that tiny backwards Irish Village School…The Toxic shame remains with that nasty horrible woman…I have no shame because I did nothing wrong…A word to the wise do not mess with geeky nerdy feisty little Irish Mammy’s….We will get back at you in our own way on our own time without breaking the law and you will not know what hit you…Because vengeance like cold hard computer drives is always best served stone cold at a bad time when your target least expects it…Never a good time to mess with intelligent feisty Irish women like me….Mouawh!!!!!!!!!!!!

The End

As a thank you for reading this reflection and short story enjoy my latest crazy silly song titled Iron Maiden…I must say I am a huge fan of Weird Al Yankovic…so I had to add one of his brilliant parody’s called White and Nerdy…I also love his crazy song called Word Crimes…Which I include a link for too…Cause like shut up!!! I do not stammer!!!…LMAO….I also include my crazy silly song called Mouawh where I sing that I am so glad that I am not sexy…Hell Yeah!!!