With Dust – A Reflection

This poem titled With Dust was authored by Akiane kramarik at age 10 in her book titled My Dream Is Bigger Than I – Memories of Tomorrow – Part Four Page 150 “You will need your own copy of this book to view the full text of this poem.  I limit quotes for the purpose of discussion and to follow copyright guidelines that allows for limited quotes.”

This poem With Dust consists of four stanzas with five lines each…The photograph I choose for this reflection was taken during a small cruise I was on touring the Cliffs Of Moher in Ireland…I love the Cliffs Of Moher and there are many ways to visit the Cliffs Of Moher on foot for land experience on water for the oceanic waterway experience or by air for a panoramic aerial view…Anyway you look at them the Cliffs Of Moher are well worth a visit…I like how this photograph embodies both what arises from dust in the form of rocks over centuries of formation the cliffs themselves and the water the contrast is striking as it is lovely…I was wearing one of my favorite t-shirts which has since gotten lost in the shuffle of my return from Ireland back to the USA…My t-shirt was from my visit to Martha’s Vineyard in Cape Cod, MA a fond memento of our summer hols there…I will now quote from Akiane’s awesome poem…”Aromatic laurels–lost victory, The weakness of an oak is still stronger than our own strength. The octave between Earth and Heaven seems to be always outstretched–For the taste of eternity is meekness.” I am leaving out the first and last stanza which is hard for me to do because I would love to quote this whole masterpiece of a poem…We are all on a journey of eternity…Pilgrims who arise from dust and return to dust…We are created from the dust. The last stanza talks about “pilgrims passing by”– “without knowing what the Earth could do”…”They” meaning pilgrims “climb up with dust And they climb down with dust.” This poem is very profound and full of lyrical visuals that from the pen or pencil of a ten year old girl is astounding…In my previous reflection I shared my thoughts on the Waco Texas nightmare that happened in the early 1990’s…The whack job who was the cult leader on this compound was criminally insane…He was stockpiling dangerous weapons and his show of force and strength brought out the worst in the governmental forces who did use excessive force in that Waco mess causing the deaths of holy innocent children and men and women…We are called to be small in the eyes of the world…We are called to be meek to be humble…For when we become proud and too big for our boots we crush ourselves and others around us…Mr. Koresh who was the Waco Texas Cult leader was full of pride with no humility no meekness and no conscience…Mr. Koresh was a destroyer of souls…He destroyed marriages and young girls he was profane he was foul and pure evil…Sadly there are worse characters than Mr. Koresh in the world…Horrible people who put on convincing shows of false humility false meekness yet are full of diabolical pride and who make fools out of their targets…Many false promises are made and broken without a care in the world for the consequences of such vile actions…Backbiters abound these days and for someone like me I no longer get impressed with or by another human being…I am no longer easily impressed…I used to be very easily impressed but not anymore…I recall commenting on a businessman’s tie…He was dressed to impress for purposes of business meetings etc…I simply said “that’s an interesting tie”…It was not the kind of commend this egotistical narcissist was accustomed to hearing…That man was used to women fawning all over him and men too and praising him for his good looks his brains and business acumen and talents…I came along and made that comment and to my surprise it shocked him and floored him…He became angry and did not know what to make of my comment and turned my comment into a discussion that never needed to happen…I stuck to my comment that I found his choice of tie that day very interesting for the contrast and design of the tie did not make sense compared to his suit…The tie was too much…He should have worn a plain colored tie that blended with his suit…His suit was plain and the tie was crazy…Far be it for me to tell him all that…It was not my place to expound on his choice of tie so I limited my comment to “that is an interesting tie”…My comment was bland and neutral and that narcissist had a terrible time with that…Narcissists can be fun to pick on though that was not my intention that day…It was entertaining to watch that man allow me a small little mouse of an office worker to rent free space in his narcissistic head…I laughed my ass off that day because with all his business success that man had a very fragile ego and was very insecure…Men like that are often addicted to attention from others both male and female in various forms…Because attention feeds their fragile egos….Knowing that we are not much in the big picture or vast scheme of life is very helpful and keeps us grounded and humble…Gosh I know I am not much I am very small and the world most certainly does NOT revolve around me thanks be to the God of my understanding…I will apologize to keep the peace even when I know I am not in the wrong…I am going to share with you my readers a recent experience I had whereby I saw fit to apologize though I was clearly not in the wrong…I go for my healthcare to a clinic funded by my state for persons with low income…My income is not very high and so I qualify for services there…One of my first encounters there was an appointment I had for an acute nail bed infection on my right index finger called paronychia…I was seen by a nurse practitioner and this was before Covid-19 hit the world stage…This nurse practitioner never bothered to look at my finger and instead proceeded to question me with a look of hate and vile disdain and she was rolling her eyes at me…This creepy woman saw fit to explain to me the proper use of emergent care services and had the gall or nerve to tell me that visits like mine are not taken seriously they are blown off as not necessary…My God the emergency room I had visited the day before took my visit very seriously and referred me to that clinic for ongoing care and followup…I became upset by this vile woman’s crass bedside manner – bedside manner is a term used in physician recruitment which is what I did for a time to describe ways doctors and other medical staff treat their patients…This nurse practitioner was a nightmare…I corrected her for her horrid bedside manner and stated that she was in breach of standard of care…Also that if she failed to fill the prescription I was given by the emergency room at another hospital locally through the pharmacy at her clinic that could cost her her license and her job…This awful nurse practitioner continued to roll her eyes at me in vile disgusting hatred and thought about not having my prescription filled…I was livid…I ended that appointment and demanded to speak to the office manager…Office management was very apologetic for this and ensured me that my script for the antibiotic medicine for my acute nail bed infection would be filled…Once I picked up my medication I observed that the doctor who over sees that nurse practitioner was listed on my medication bottle…I proceeded to profile the nurse practitioner and found her on social media…I did nothing whatsoever with those details except to prove my point to management that this nurse practitioner is not a safe person she is very narcissistic and hates people she views as less than her both male and female from all walks of life…That nurse practitioner could lose her license if she is not more careful…Further to that I accessed my own personal medical records through my patient portal that is made available for patients at this clinic…Not only was this vile nurse practitioner in breach of standard of care…She falsified my medical chart records falsely claiming that I refused a medicine that she never prescribed for me…I followed that up with the pharmacy at that clinic through whom she claimed to have filed a medication script for me…No record was on file for that particular anti fungal ten day treatment…I got after them for that and demanded that I be seen by one of their board certified doctors for future appointments…I might add that the piece of shit village idiot nurse practitioner is a very proud staunch roman catholic who hates people she views as beneath her status…That woman is a vile piece of work a right piece of shit…She crossed the wrong patient the day she encountered me…She went from rolling her wicked dumb eyes at me to standing back in shock and horror when I told her she could lose her license that shut her up fast and she backed off in shock that a patient whom she viewed as a low life little Irish single mother called her on her crap…I was told that low income patients are not entitled to be seen by board certified doctors that all I am entitled to is their low class scumbag shitty dumb ass’d glorified nurses who are nurse practitioners…I reamed them out of it and stated that they were refusing to provide me with the standard and quality of care I am entitled to and punishing me for being poor and in between comprehensive health care plans…I fell through the cracks of a broken health care system…I insisted that I be seen by the board certified doctor listed on my medication bottle…I stated that I would file a breach of standard of care complaint with my state and provide a report that this clinic refused to provide me with the healthcare I needed…That did it I was given a follow up appointment with the Medical Doctor I asked for…That doctor told me within five minutes exactly what I had…Paronychia a fungal nail bed infection…That board certified medical doctor figured out everything within five minutes and prescribed another medication for Tinea on my skin…She also told me I had too much yeast in my system which is backed up by future blood work I had done that shows a slightly elevated blood sugar level…I did give that clinic feedback about my experience with their horribly negligent nurse practitioner who was dumb as a rock…A word to the wise do not trust Physician Assistants and or Nurse Practitioners with new symptoms that require a new diagnosis…These idiots are nothing but glorified nurses and many of these ones are narcissistic to the core and rotten to the core…These idiots are so proud they often compromise the licenses of the doctors whose license they work under…These village idiots are only fit for purpose when it comes to existing known conditions removing sutures and minor help…Leave the systemic problems requiring professional examination and diagnoses to the real professionals who spent years in medical school who spent at least three years in post medical school post grad residency studying the systemic human body humors and systems that affects our health…Nurse practitioners and physicians assistants like it or not are not medical doctors and do not deserve the same degree of respect afforded American Board Certified Medical doctors…Many nurse practitioners and physician assistants are certifiable nut jobs…I state this because I have had many dealings with these proud village idiots…Tell a village idiot they will receive the same trust and respect as their superior medical doctors whose medical expertise far surpasses these dumb asses and these idiots get puffed up with diabolical pride and are a nightmare on earth to deal with…Here is a case in point…During my time in New York…I met an extremely narcissistic proud woman who was going to college to become a nurse practitioner…During her time as a student she dated a nice young man whom I met and whom she pridefully introduced to everyone she knew…Shortly thereafter she broke off that relationship…I witnessed this whack job literally walk around with her hands up in the air as if she was palpating a patient and she did this to practice for her clinical exams that were coming up…That woman went on to become a successful nurse practitioner or physician assistant I am not certain which track she did…All I know know is I made up my mind to never ever go to her as a patient for a damn thing…Thankfully we live in separate states now and I am relieved to know I would not need to interact with this crazy one for a thing…Many nurse practitioners and physician assistants are whack jobs and extremely narcissistic…Not all of them but many are that way…The same is true of many medical doctors and other highly educated professionals not limited to the medical profession…The triads of narcissism abounds in many forms today…Many narcissists are mild and very funny and a pleasure to be around though a wee bit crazy these are not the worst and would not intentionally harm a soul…Diabolical narcissists who fit the dark triad of pathological narcissism are unsafe dangerously horrible people to be avoided like the plague…This is my fault apologies my readers I digressed a wee bit…Now back to my story with that clinic…I do get decent care from this clinic now that I insist on being seen by a board certified medical doctor I am on the mend…My finger nail bed infection is cleared up thank God…I recently needed to be seen for more tinea on my eyelid and eye area and a toe nail fungal infection that is also clearing up…Once I scheduled that appointment and now this was during the time of Covid-19 that we are presently living in…I received a total of six phone calls which were excessive phone calls…First the nurse called me because she was not sure or certain that I needed to be seen…So she had the medical doctor call me which he did and he determined over the phone that I did indeed need to be seen…I then got four more phone calls from the nurse which in the process generated another unnecessary phone call from their dedicated hardworking medical doctor…I was told to send via text sms messaging to that MD’s cell phone photographs of my toe nail which had yellow discoloration and my eye lid and eye area for the tinea itchy rash…I took those steps and did what I was instructed to do and sent those photographs which helped their MD to determine that I needed to be seen…He had already determined that I needed to be seen so the time wasted sending photographs could have been avoided…For me their patient those excessive phone calls were annoying I was rather perturbed by this…I went to my appointment and the doctor who saw me ordered more blood work…I was able to access the results of my blood work via my online patient portal…I noticed that my blood sugar was slightly elevated…So I placed at least one phone call to follow up on my blood work results…The nurse called me back and could not answer my questions and so she generated another call from the medical doctor who treated me…The medical doctor called me back answered my questions and stated that they are being bombarded with phone calls and he demanded that I not call their clinic again or he will insist that I be seen..He further stated that he can circumvent the Covid-19 policies that are in place…Phone medical assistance is presently being offered to patients during this pandemic…I found that doctor’s response and the way he handled my questions about my blood work to be very odd…That man sounded stressed out and I think it is fair to say that our healthcare workers are stressed out…I agreed not to call and I also stated that I would have no problem being seen if he the doctor determined that was needed…I was told to not call and to stop by and pick up the medication he prescribed which is more treatment to clear up my toe nail bed infection…Which is onychomycosis – a mouthful and not as awful as it sounds and easily treated…So a few days later I stepped into that clinic to pick up my prescribed medication as instructed…Their receptionist demanded that I call their pharmacy first…I was livid with this ridiculous request so I asked for a mask and a mask was handed to me…I ignored the receptionist and walked in to pharmacy to get my medicine…My medicine was ready so I paid for it…I was told that their manager wanted to speak to me…I declined that offer and left the building with my medicine…I did call the manager on the phone who proceeded to use vile intimidation tactics by claiming that I “stormed into their clinic”…He even went so far as to cite federal guidelines that he claimed I had breached…He went on to say that he was filing a formal complaint and he would be sending me a nasty letter…It is a serious prosecutable crime to harass patients particularly patients with specials needs who are on the federal disability program which is governed and regulated by federal law…I corrected him for that and stated that my own formal complaint for breach of standard of care would also be filed…I proceeded to make a phone call and put my willing witness on speaker phone and I marched back into that bat shit crazy clinic…I proceeded to calmly ask to speak to that horrible manager…My witness heard the whole conversation and is more than happy to provide written witness testimony if required…I never told that creep that conversation was being witnessed via my speaker phone…I proceeded to apologize for the fact that he perceived my coming to pick up my medicine as “storming into the clinic”…I said that this pandemic is a stressful time for everybody…I requested permission to enter the clinic to make a small payment towards my own modest balance that I owed them for services rendered…That creep was going to refuse payment but I politely insisted I be allowed to do this…My witness heard everything…I was given permission to enter and that creep accepted my sincere apology and agreed not to file a formal complaint and I also agreed not to file my own formal breach of standard of care complaint…Their other secretary insisted that my updated phone number already current in their system was already automatically updated with their pharmacy…I proceeded to double check this with their pharmacy who confirmed that is not so that they are a separate operation from the clinic…I then informed their secretary about this and Pharmacy agreed to speak to the clinic staff to correct false information being given or told to patients…I made a payment towards my balance owed and I left the clinic…I later followed up with this crazy clinic and provided feedback of my own about excessive phone calls that I have received as their patient as well as the false information I was given about updating my details with their pharmacy…Many people do not know how to talk to clinics and many people can get into trouble they were not looking for due to lack of knowledge and experience in dealing with health care professionals and their clinic administrators…I share this story with my readers because I find that healthcare is a nightmare even on a good day…Patients are seldom treated with the dignity and respect they deserve…Today many have to advocate for themselves…I am a big believer in self advocacy and the right to stand your ground and stand up for yourself and others and for what is right and just…Many of us myself included are indeed very small…Our weakness our meekness our smallness is our strength!!! As a thank you for reading this reflection enjoy a song I sang which is my version of the poem titled Still I Rise authored by the one and only the amazing Maya Angelou – A woman whose fearless courage has always inspired the best in me…For all the indigenous tribes and all who suffer from vile slavery both past present and future…Still I Rise is for all enslaved around the world…Let us never forget the suffering of slaves one of the worst forms of systemic abuse of our own kind our own species regardless of religion race color or creed…I also included my own song titled White Butterflies written in honor of those who fell into iron hands of forced slavery and systemic abuse in my own homeland Ireland…I also include a song I sang titled Apache Tears by Johnny Cash for the Native Americans who were systemically and categorically destroyed over five hundred years of vile systemic annihilation and abuse…Heaven help us all…