Brittle – A Reflection

This poem titled Brittle was authored by Akiane kramarik at age 10 in her book titled My Dream Is Bigger Than I – Memories of Tomorrow – Part Four Page 134 “You will need your own copy of this book to view the full text of this poem.  I limit quotes for the purpose of discussion and to follow copyright guidelines that allows for limited quotes.”

This poem Brittle consists of four stanzas with three lines in the first stanza and five lines in the middle two stanzas and three lines in the fourth and last stanza…The photograph I choose for this poem is a happy mother’s day sign my child created for me during our time in Ireland from his online game…With mother’s day already celebrated in Ireland and mother’s day soon to be celebrated here in the USA I thought this photo is a good match for this reflection…Akiane’s awesome poem opens with these three lines and ends with the same three lines…Sometimes Akiane does this with her poems which is brilliant…I love it…Here is the first stanza…”i do not exist in and of myself”….Wow this is brilliant notice too how the word i is lower case which is how Akiane wrote this poem…To me the reader the word “i” references the unborn child who while it is in it’s mother’s womb does not exist in and of itself…The unborn child depends totally on it’s mother to ensure that she is eating a good diet taking proper care of her sacred body and sacred self to prepare for the birth of her unborn child…The title of this poem Brittle is mentioned in the third stanza…I will quote the third stanza here leaving out the second stanza to encourage my readers to purchase your very own copy of this brilliant book of poems and to follow copyright guidelines that allows for limited quotes…Akiane writes…”i dissipate in my own transforming shell where i still feel brittle just like shredded wheat in a bowl”….To me the reader of this poem and author of these reflections this describes the unborn child lamenting that it cannot exist in and of itself…Many women and mother’s including my own beloved elderly mother understand the value of their unborn children and know to birth their babies and to take proper care of themselves along the way…My mother had a terrible smoking addiction my mother chain smoked cigarettes for years even during all eight of her pregnancies including at least one miscarriage…My poor mother had a lot of stress in her life and her way of coping was by smoking cigarettes a disgusting and vile habit but there are worse than my beloved mother out there…Smoking is a disgusting habit but there are people with much worse and more vile disgusting habits…I will always love my parents for all eternity regardless of their many faults…My father was a seriously bad alcoholic and mum was addicted to the cigarettes and to gossip like many women these days my mother was no exception…My mother is very narcissistic in her behavior and has never apologized to me her own daughter for a thing…I never saw my mother apologize to anyone for a thing…My mother was always right no matter what and others around her were always wrong…Growing up we knew something was not right with our mother but could not put our finger on it or explain it…Now I can explain it from the perspective of her daughter who lived with this woman for many years of my life…My mother is a good woman decent and caring…Due to abuse in her own childhood that was done outside the comfort of her loving home in the Irish School System in the 1930’s 1940’s and 1950’s…My mother is unable to show empathy through no fault of her own…I understand my mother well now and I do call my beloved elderly mother every so many months just to check in and say hi and let her know that her number five is doing A-Ok…I am always glad to know that my mother is doing well too…My mother is able to be glad to know that I am ok…My mother prays for all of her children every day of her life…My mother is to this day a very devout Roman Catholic Woman who loves the pope and believes that others who hate the pope and the Roman Catholic Church for its crimes done to children in the name of God are going to hell…My mother has told me that I am going to hell so many times that I have lost count…My mother tells me to go to hell on a regular basis…The last time I talked to my damaged narcissistic mother she told me to go to hell…I smiled on the other side of the phone and said mum you do not have the power to send me to hell and mum you no longer have the power to hurt me…This was very empowering for me to say to my elderly mother who to this day can be very nasty to me…I told my mother that I am sorry that she was horribly abused in the Irish School system of a down in the 1930’s 1940’s and 1950’s…I told my mother that it is not her fault that her behavior towards me her own daughter is so awful and horrible…I told my mother that she says some terrible things to me which is toxic and not good which makes my mother sound like a horrible person…Now there are worse people out there than my poor mother and myself…My mother perpetuated a cycle of verbal abuse and physical abuse that she got as a child from the Irish School system…My mother was conditioned by abuse to become an abusive type which is not her fault…The fault belongs to the wicked who did terrible things to my poor mother as an Irish Child in the Irish School system…The wicked who harmed children like my mother verbally and physically and possibly sexually in the name of God of all things will be dealt with severely on the day of contention…My mother is innocent because she knows not the damage she does and my mother despite serious emotional problems ensured all eight of us were well fed and cared for in a heroic manner that is rarely seen today….My poor damaged mother is to me my heroin not like the drug heroin but hero in the female sense of the word…Nothing will stop me from loving my mother for all eternity…That woman took care of me when I was too little to care for myself…That woman put up with me her moody daughter for years…I had temper tantrums due to being abused at home abuse that my mother had no control over…I was abused by my brothers too who were accessed for abuse outside our home by the wicked Irish School system…It is likely pedophiles abused my brothers outside our home in the name of God through the Irish School system and the Irish Church system which is mostly Roman Catholic…Words cannot express how I feel about what was done to my poor brothers which conditioned them to become abusers of their own sisters…I was molested by my brothers and verbally and physically abused…My brothers became mean to me and my two other sisters because these boys were accessed for abuse outside our home…My mother and father were never sexually abusive to me and I never witnessed either of my parents sexually abusing us…That being said I did witness my mother dressing one of my brothers up in girls dresses and making fun of my poor brother who would hide under the table in toxic shame for being made fun of that way…The abuse we got in our home was verbal and physical and was depraved…My mother would keep a list of things in her head and when she was giving me my bath which was once a week she would list the things I did wrong and beat me for them…My mother found false faults with all eight of us and beat us for them because that is all my mother knew growing up in the wicked lost Irish School Systems that filled many Irish children with toxic shame…A toxic shame that was never theirs to carry….There is no forgiveness in my mother my mother is not capable of forgiveness as evidenced by years of hell on earth as her daughter whereby my mother found many false faults with me and others and kept a demonic list of these faults in her damaged head and hurled hate speech and abuse upon her own children…This was depraved and the depravity of my mother’s behavior is not her fault…God love her and God Bless her my poor mother knew not what she did and knows not what she does…I let these words from the word of God apply to my poor beloved parents…May my father rest in peace in heaven for all eternity as he suffered enough hell on earth during his time on earth…Jesus said on the Holy Cross and with good Friday having passed us by again…These words apply to my beloved parents…”Father forgive them for they know not what they do”….I declare let these holy words apply to all victims of abuse particularly victims of systemic abuse…And let these words convict the wicked who knew what they did and who know what they do to destroy holy innocent children’s souls….I have forgiven my parents and my siblings everything….For they knew not and know not what they do….I will always love my parents for all eternity and nothing will ever change that…I could not exist in and of myself without my awesome Irish Mammy who carried me for as long as she possibly could in her sacred womb and who birthed me prematurely through no fault of her own…My Irish mammy who had to wait some time before she could bring her number five home…I was incubated in hospital for a time after my birth…My mother brought me home as soon as she possibly could and took excellent care of me as a wee baby…It is for this tender loving care the care my mother gave me both in her womb and outside of her womb that I will always love my poor mother for all eternity…To my beloved mother who is well into her 80’s now I declare thank you mother for understanding that I could not exist without you…I could not exist in and of myself…You knew this you understood this well and despite serious problems of your own that were not all your fault…You fearlessly carried all eight of us in your sacred womb for as long as you possibly could…You took excellent care of us as wee babies and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that all eight of us will always love you mum and our beloved deceased father for all eternity…My parents are an excellent example of what holy love looks like…My parents were not perfect but their sacrificial love for all eight of us was and remains holy for all eternity…My parents never had time to consider having affairs aside from king alcohol which consumed my poor father and the cigarettes which consumed my poor mother for a time…My parents never had affairs…I might add that in her 50’s my mother heroically quit smoking the cigarettes quitting smoking was the hardest thing my mother ever had to quit…She was bound and determined and she quit smoking…My mother got very angry over the price of cigarettes they were very expensive to buy and my Irish mammy was not having it…My mum had it out with her cigarette addiction and quit smoking…I recall becoming angry with my mother and one day I grabbed her box of cigarettes and tore it up and told her to her face that those cigarettes would destroy her…My mum got very angry with me for that…But not much longer after that my awesome mother quit her smoking addiction…She kicked her smoking habit to the curb…What motivated my mother to quit her more than 30 year old smoking habit was true grit…My mother like myself has true grit…I am a lot like my own mother which is not a bad thing…My mother has many amazing qualities many good qualities that makes her easy to love….While her behavior can be like a nasty pill at times…My mother is easy to love because I have gained a better understanding of why my mother behaves and acts the way she does…Without my amazing Irish Mammy I would not exist because without my mother I could not exist in and of myself…I dedicate this reflection to my own beloved feisty Irish Mammy a mother of eight children a living saint a holy good woman who despite many obstacles did her best like everybody else in our fallen wicked lost world…With mother’s day already celebrated in Ireland and coming up soon here in America I say to my own elderly beloved Irish Mammy….Happy Mother’s day and while we do not get along very well….I will always love you for all eternity because without you my beloved Mammy I would not exist….As a thank you for reading this reflection enjoy my free tips section on my you tube channel…I do many things on You Tube and one of my playlists is titled free tips…If you find any of my free tips helpful feel free to share….Happy Mother’s day to all Mother’s around the world and thank you all Mother’s including my own Irish Mammy for your heroism in raising your children no matter how they came against all odds in a wicked fallen lost world…Heaven help us all…During this time of Covid-19 – Corona Virus…I like to say be well stay well and stay safe…Namaste….I added two playlists one is free cooking tips and the other is general free tips…I also added my self help playlist for self help tools that work for me…Feel free to share if you find any of this helpful…Thank you for reading this reflection….