Adolescence – A Reflection

This poem titled Adolescence was authored by Akiane kramarik at age 9 in her book titled My Dream Is Bigger Than I – Memories of Tomorrow – Part Three Page 101.  “You will need your own copy of this book to view the full text of this poem.  I limit quotes for the purpose of discussion and to follow copyright guidelines that allows for limited quotes.”

This poem adolescence consists of four stanzas with three lines each. The photograph I choose for this reflection is of me during my adolescent years as a young girl a teenager with my father from whom I inherited the gift of music.  My mother can sing too… This poem Adolescence opens with these powerful two words “above marble”  then continues in the first stanza to say “empty cocoons hang in icicles”  I leave the rest for you to read from your own copy that you must obtain yourself.  The third stanza is profound “with or without adult lessons adolescence teaches itself”  Wow very profound from a nine year old girl.  It is the children who must show lost adults the way to God.  I am convinced of that.  Holy innocent children have more wisdom than many lost proud adults.   The last stanza is also very profound before I quote this I purposely left out the second stanza and part of the first stanza to follow copyright guidelines and to encourage my readers to purchase your own copy from Akiane online.  The last stanza says “as man’s  promises separate balance marble chisels itself”.  To me the reader this epic poem describes how children grow up and  become adults and despite being formed in the wrong way by unsuspecting parents or being harmed by horrible adults.  Children miraculously grow up and many do well despite the problem of abuse in so many forms.  Not limited to vile abuse but including parents who know not the damage they do when raising children.  This poem describes ways mankind have destroyed children and how false promises unfulfilled can ruin children too.  All the same despite the failures of our species when it comes to raising our children.  The God of life allows for adolescence much like marble to “chisel itself”  In a divine miracle that is mysterious in nature our adolescent children remarkably despite insurmountable obstacles become adults who do well in life.  Even the children who become adults with problems in life many are able to seek help and work through the problems.  Many adults are like adult children who seek help to continue their own healing processes from years of trauma.  I would know because I myself survived complex trauma.  I had complex post traumatic stress disorder for a very long time.  After years of counseling and therapy I miraculously got better after doing what the professionals told me to do to get well and stay well.  My own adolescence was shrouded in mystery because I was extremely shy painfully shy and very introverted.  I spent a lot of time by myself which prepared me for adulthood in its own mystical unique way.  It was during those quiet adolescent years not without trauma mind you.  Yet in those quiet moments in my adolescent years I was a cocoon in the cocoon stage of my youth still growing up and learning.  I then went on to go to college and completed a four year degree in Business Administration with a minor in Economics.  I then studied nursing and computer science for two years.  I did not complete my nursing program but I made it to both the national dean’s list and president’s list for excellence in my studies as a nursing student.  I tell you this because during those years in my early 20’s I suffered from complex post traumatic stress disorder and did not understand myself.  Looking back it is a miracle I did all that I did with all the emotional healing that still needed to happen for me.  I was a nervous emotional wreck years ago yet miraculously like this poem describes I forged on and kept marching forward to the beat of my own adolescent formative drum.   I got my first job at age 15 as a waitress waiting tables at a nearby summer resort.  I loved my first job and I had a wonderful employer a great boss and great co workers who gave me a hard time at times.  I loved my first job and will always fondly remember the people in my life during my early working years.  My bosses were all Irish and they were the best to work for and to work with.  They would sometimes get upset with me if I did not eat the food they provided me with when I worked.  I was notorious for requesting a plate then forgetting to eat it due to being so busy.  My bosses cared about all of us as young employees and treated us like their own and yes they got after us to eat our food.  Those formative working years will always remain in my memory as a very positive time in my life.  I remember my first paycheck and how good I felt to be able to provide for myself and to help out my own family which I did to the best of my ability.  After all there were ten of us my mother and father and all eight of us children.   Despite serious problems of their own my parents made sure we were always well fed and provided for and my parents were never intentionally wicked or horrible.  My father passed away and may he rest in peace.  My mother is elderly now well into her 80’s and to this day I call my elderly mother once every three months or so just to say Hi and to let her know that her number five is doing well.  I am number five out of eight children.  My mother was not able to be there for me spiritually or emotionally because my mother is not able to show empathy.  Despite this my mother saw to it that all eight of us were always well fed and provided for with the help of my father.  My mother was accessed for abuse as a child growing up in Ireland in the 1930’s.  I cannot say whether or not my mother was placed in an Irish Gulag which is what many of the industrial schools in Ireland were like in the 1930’s.  I cannot say this was done for sure since my own mother would need to request her own school records.  Due to the trauma experienced by Irish Children abused in the Irish School systems over the past century.  I would not put my poor mother through the trauma of asking her to request her own school records.  As that could trigger a trauma based response in my elderly mother.  I love my mother despite her serious problems I will always love my mother.  This is why I call my beloved elderly mother at least once every three months.  I show my elderly mother by my actions that I accept her just as she is that I have forgiven her everything and that I love her unconditionally and that I do not expect anything in return.  It took me years to get to this point.  My mother no longer has the power to hurt me a power she did know herself that she had.  My mother hurt me deeply for years.  As the problem of systemic abuse that occurred in Ireland for more than a Century is being made public.  I have learned from my most recent time in Ireland which was two years 2017 – 2019.  That it is likely highly likely my mother was systemically abused in the Irish school system.  The authority I speak from is the authority of my own experiences living with my mother for years.  I am not a health care professional and cannot claim to be a professional or an authority on a thing.  Save the authority of my voice as the daughter of a mother who survived systemic abuse in Ireland in her childhood.  This abuse did not come from her own mother my grandmother this abuse came from the Irish school system in Ireland in the 1930’s which was wicked and rotten to the core.   The sisters of mercy in Ireland during those years are nicknamed “The sisters without mercy”.  I would say that is a better description of these wicked nuns who made up bed wetting songs to make fun of the children in their care who were forced to live with these wicked witches in industrial homes.  Bed wetting songs were made up by these wretches false women of God to verbally abuse Irish children who were bed wetters.  No wonder they wet the bed they  missed their own loving homes and were traumatized by being forcibly separated from their own families.  Welcome to Ireland in the 1930’s.  Irish children were systemically categorically accessed for child abuse across the board not limited to just the Irish school system.   Horrible men and women in many positions of authority harmed these children often in the name of God of all things.  The God of life and heaven above has been busy for centuries helping adolescents lost to blind indifference on the part of their own families and their communities to be formed like marble with the help of heaven since mankind lost their way long ago.  I was never given the right adult lessons yet with the help of heaven my adolescence taught me itself.  I write today to an audience as one unwritten one unlettered from the tribe of Dan who has learned with the help of heaven how to be a responsible law abiding citizen of two nations with six years of college and a working knowledge of many languages though fluent only in English.  If you were to ask me how I did everything I did then and how I do what I do now.  I say only with the help of the God of life and heaven have I one from Dan gotten to where I am today.  I am also a published author musician and speaker.  I write my own songs my own music.  In my own right I am an accomplished adult no thanks to fallen mankind.  I do not need fame and fortune to consider myself a success.  Neither do I need approval in this life or on this earth to consider myself a success.  I am whole I am a success in the eyes of my creator the God of life and heaven above that is good enough for me.  I hope this reflection helps those who find themselves feeling sick and tired of people pleasing and of needing to be validated all the time or needing approval.  As for me and my house we serve the God of life and heaven above.  Nothing else matters.  I end with this thought.  Just as the Armenian Genocide is being acknowledged as a war crime in Turkey.  I also visited Turkey.  I wonder when will the Irish Genocide done in the name of God of all things be considered a war crime by the international tribunal of war crimes?  I may never see this done for my own nation the Irish nation yet just as “The Future Never Gives Up” Ilia Kramarik I refuse to give up.  I also refuse to be silent.  I am silent no more.  I encourage my readers to do your own do diligence and research the systemic abuse that happened in Ireland and around the world done in the name of God to holy innocent children.  All you have to do is google search the Ryan Report in Ireland the Industrial Schools in Ireland the mother baby home in Tuam which I personally visited the Magdalene laundries which was turned into a movie.  This is to name a few items to research.  I encourage my readers to do this to raise awareness about the Irish Genocide done in the name of God spanning more than a Century and not just Ireland all of Europe and the world was affected by systemic abuse.  This reflection is for all survivors of abuse particularly all who survived systemic abuse including my own beloved mother.  To my beloved elderly mother this reflection is for you.  My mother may be small frail and elderly but in the eyes of her daughter her fifth child – my mother is strong!!  My mother is a mighty woman a strong woman and in the eyes of our God the God of life my mother did well and is a success as she raised eight children with the help of my deceased father.  In the eyes of this fallen world my parents are small and not a success.  In the eyes of the God of life and heaven my parents are heroes and strong people who filled their roles as parents to the best of their abilities and despite serious problems fearlessly welcomed with open and arms and holy love all eight of us including their holy terror number five meself.  One of my hobbies on you tube is this:  I sing sacred scriptures I leave you with Mark Chapter 9 and I let the word of God convict the wicked who destroyed holy innocence found in holy innocent children for centuries around the world.  I sang Mark Chapter 9 flat on my tummy in a posture of prayer humility and supplication that is centuries old.  I am not a false nun full of pride.  I am a small little mother unafraid to sing the sacred scriptures and not afraid to speak my mind for I am silent no more!!!  Heaven help us all enjoy Mark Chapter 9 here and let all Christians and all mortal flesh be silent in the face of the crimes done in the dark by the wicked in the name of God of all things.