Next Breeze Is Free – A Reflection

This poem titled Next Breeze Is Free  was authored by Akiane kramarik at age 9 in her book titled My Dream Is Bigger Than I – Memories of Tomorrow – Part Three Page 90.  “You will need your own copy of this book to view the full text of this poem.  I limit quotes for the purpose of discussion and to follow copyright guidelines that allows for limited quotes.”

This poem titled Next Breeze Is Free consists of three stanzas. The photograph I choose for this reflection is of my son during our time in Lourdes France…I love the weeping willow which provided a beautiful natural photogenic backdrop for this photo… The first stanza has three lines the middle stanza has six lines and the last stanza has three lines.  This poem is short and one of the lines consists of two words.  Akiane’s prose is profound in its simplicity it is Akiane’s ability to master the art of simple prose at such a young age that transcends time and space.  I will limit my quotes to the last stanza which is so simple and profound.  “Next breeze is free for love to create us.”  Ya Know we create our own paths in life.  We create our own futures.  What we do in the here and now has an effect for all eternity.  Words we say cannot be unsaid and when words we say cause hurt that hurt is eternal.  When words we say cause or bring joy that joy is eternal.  Scientists have studied the effects of energy on water.  Human energy on water that is.  Actual studies have been done that shows that water responds positively to positive sounds and praise etc.  Water gets darker when yelled at or put down or when water receives verbal abuse.  This is a scientific fact about water. Human beings are made up of a lot of water.  Water is very much a part of our human bodies between what the doctors of old would call the humors of the body.  We have blood we have sweat and we have tears.  We have glands and our vital organs will cease to function if we fail to drink enough fluids particularly water.  Water makes up a large part of our diet and we cannot live without a regular supply of drinking water.  When human beings are verbally abused this affects us physically mentally and emotionally.  Constant verbal abuse can have a horrible effect on people.  I grew up in a home where I received machine gun style verbal abuse similar to what is done to soldiers in the military to get confessions out of them.   Constant verbal abuse that never stopped for years.  This verbal abuse was so horrible that after I became a mother I was yelled at for one of the last times by my own abusive mother.  My mother was elderly then but still a verbal monster to me.  My own mother to this day has never met my son her own grandchild.  My mother hates my guts and never wants to see me again or meet my son her own grandchild.  What brought about this hatred in my mother towards her own daughter is this.  Machine gun style verbal abuse that my own mother got as a little girl growing up in Ireland.  My mother was placed in an Irish Gulag one of the wicked Irish schools used to destroy children in the name of God.  That is where my mother was placed around the age of four after her own father died.  In that school my mother was horribly abused and the verbal abuse was the worst.  This set my mother up to be a damaged adult and my mother became an abusive type.  My mother perpetuated this heinous cycle of abuse in her own home on her eight children.  My mother did not know better and so she beat me black and blue and verbally abused me and she succeeded in destroying me from the inside and outside.  I was verbally destroyed with no sense of self to speak of and no self confidence either.  I was a living walking shell of a child filled with fear and terrified of my own wicked mother.  My mother was wicked with her mouth.  The things my mother said to me would turn your stomach.  Things no child should ever hear form their own mother.  The people I was supposed to be able to trust betrayed me from the day of my birth onwards.  I add to this that I was betrayed prior to my conception and birth.  I was betrayed by the Roman Catholic Church and the state of Ireland.  I was betrayed before the day of my birth because my poor mother was set up to be an abusive type.  So that when the day of my birth arrived my family had been cursed by druidic wicked abuse for centuries in Ireland.  The incantations of false prophets had already been spoken over my family for more than a century of systemic abuse in druidic Ireland.  So that when I was born I was guaranteed a life of hell on earth and it is a life of hell on earth that I got.  Now that you have an idea of what hell on earth looks like.  I suggest to my readers the following.  Look up industrial schools in Ireland.  Google search the terms industrial schools.  Learn about the mother baby home in Tuam Ireland.  Consider buying the following books.  The Irish Gulag by Bruce Arnold – How the State Betrayed its Innocent Children published in the year 2009.  Look up the book titled The Cruelty Men by Emer Martin published and copywritten in 2018.  Look up the book titled The Baby Snatchers copywritten and published in 2017.  There are so many books being published now that I cannot list them all here.  Look up the charity one in four in Dublin Ireland.  So named because one in four children in Ireland were accessed for abuse.  On their website you will find reports like the Ryan report similar to the PA report in the USA except worse if that is possible yes worse.  The abuse of Irish children in Ireland would turn the stomachs of the most hardened soldiers on the front lines of war.  What was done to Irish children in the name of God of all things renders the readers speechless in disgust and horror.  Ireland was for Irish children worse than your worst nightmare.   Few Irish children escaped the systemic abuse that I call a system of a down in wicked Ireland.  The good people of Ireland were systemically and categorically destroyed for more than a century and access to justice for the victims of these heinous diabolical crimes was and remains categorically and systemically denied adult survivors of these abuse crimes.  I tried to obtain my own mother’s school records during my most recent two years living in Ireland.  I was told that my own mother needs to request those school records herself.  That is wicked horrible and there is no way in hell I would ask my elderly mother to request her own school records as that could cause a trauma based response in my now elderly mother.  Despite the problems growing up in our home.  I love my mother unconditionally and forgive her everything and I don’t care if that woman hates my guts for all eternity.  It is not her fault it was never her fault and the trouble is this.  My poor mother may never be able to forgive herself for how horrible she was to me.  Well I already forgave my elderly mother.  The last time my mother yelled at me was when my son was a newborn baby.  This yelling and screaming was done on the phone.  I hung up reduced to tears.  I said to myself never again will I allow my mother to sabotage and destroy me.  From that day onwards I left my mother in the dust and got on with my own life.  I discovered from my time in Ireland that my mother has symptoms of NPD which is narcissistic personality disorder.  Since I am not a health care professional all I can tell you is that my mother is to this day an abusive type.  My mother never apologized to me for the hell she put me through.  My mother is not capable of apologizing to me for a thing.  Just as my mother is not capable of empathy towards me or my child her own grandson.   What is remarkable about my own mother as damaged as she was from years of hell on earth in Irish schools.  My mother was and remains a wonderful cook and we were always well fed.  All eight of us were very well fed we never wanted for food.  Something my poor mother was very proud of was her ability to feed all of us very well.  My mother saw to it that we never ever went hungry.   I know now that my poor mother showed her love for all of us through her cooking.  At least that is how I felt love from my mother.  My mother was never able to show affection or empathy towards me.  The background I got about my mother while living in Ireland from 2017 – 2019 helps me to love my mother unconditionally and to forgive her anyway.  It is my hope that my poor mother can forgive herself because at the end of the day what she became was not her fault.  My mother is a heroine in my eyes.  While we are not close.  I call my elderly mother every so many months and our conversations last 3 to 5 minutes.  Last time I called my elderly mother I told her how well her grandson whom she never met is doing.  That he is in the honors program in school and learning karate.  My mother sounded happy.   To this day my mother has never asked or requested to meet her own grandson.  The abuses done by the Roman Catholic Church to my family in the name of God are vast.  My family was accessed for abuse by heinous pederasty priests both in Ireland and the USA.  Proving the abuse is not possible but the fallout of the abuse is there for all to see.  My brothers are not much older than me and my brothers were accessed for abuse and learned outside our home to become abusive to me and my two sisters.  My brothers learned to molest their own sisters.  That is not something my parents taught them to do.  It is my hope that my brothers will speak out about crimes done to their humanity by wicked abusers in Ireland and the USA when they are ready to on their own terms.  I would never ask my mother or brothers or sisters to speak about their abuse histories because to do so would not be ethical right or just.  Adult survivors of abuse need time to heal and need to speak when they are ready to speak.  Many are never ready to speak and that must be respected too.  For many children who were abused speaking about their abuse histories often fills them with toxic shame and it is too damn hard for them to speak of their abuse.  It is for this reason I would never ask a known victim of abuse to speak.  It is my hope that by telling my own story of abuse history that my story will help others to take courage and speak out.  How I became a single mother is this.  I was raped by a Roman Catholic Priest a man ten years older than me and who was my spiritual director.  That man betrayed my trust and seduced me for sex.  That man claimed he loved me.  No this was not statutory rape or forcible rape.  No it was not that.  It was horrible all the same.  I fell in love with that man and that man abused my vulnerable feelings and used me for sex.  I was coerced into sex with that man.  That priest boasted to his friends that he got me pregnant and then left the country.  I was abandoned on my own pregnant with that man’s child.  Because I loved that man I also loved my child.  I knew that no matter what I would be the best mother I could be to my child.  Bad men corrupt the universe bad men corrupt women and children and other men.  The damage done by bad men is vast and the God of life will hold horribly bad men to account for their wicked ways.  The verbal abuse I got by members of the Roman Catholic Church after I became pregnant would turn your stomach.  I was pressured into having an abortion.  Something I would never do.  I was forced to move from New York State to the Midwest of the USA to start over in an area where I knew no one.  That ordeal was traumatic for me as I moved early in my pregnancy.  I gave birth to my child after 3am.  I had to drive myself to the hospital as I was alone when my water broke.  I was abandoned by mankind and totally alone.  I had to drive myself to the hospital to give birth to my child.  I had not one person by my side as a source of support.  I was horribly verbally abused by horrible women mostly women in the Roman Catholic Church.  The words these horrible women said to me would turn your stomach.  Once I got to the hospital the hospital staff took great care of me and I was blessed to be helped by a wonderful midwife.   When it was time for me to bring my child home I had to call someone to drive me home as I was forbidden from driving by the medical staff for a few weeks due to child birth.  An angry woman whose name I will leave out of this narrative a woman whose name I choose to forget for all eternity was very angry when I called her.  I was given this woman’s name to call if I needed a ride or anything.  That woman screamed at me on the phone that she was busy and was angry that she had to drive me and my child home.  That woman was the head of a pro-life organization in the USA and is a disgrace to the whole pro-life movement.  Many in the pro-life movement verbally abused me and were horrible to me.  I was treated like a piece of trash a piece of dirt.  Many Catholic women thought I was a prostitute off the streets and had no idea that I had done six years of college prior to being raped by a Roman Catholic Priest.   When I returned to Ireland the land of my birth and youth.  It was in Ireland that I discovered more of the horrible history of the Roman Catholic Church and its crimes against the humanity of Irish men women and children.  It was then that I severed ties with anything Catholic.  Last time I checked it is not a crime to not be Catholic.  My message to pompous Catholics so full of themselves and diabolical pride is this that your church does not hold the keys to heaven your church holds the keys to hellfire.  As for the number of times I was told by filthy Roman Catholics that I am going to hell I return the favor and say don’t do me any favors for if I am going to hell then so is every damned miserable pompous Catholic.  I have been accused of hating Catholics.  I do not hate Catholics it is Roman Catholics who hated me and my family for Centuries now.  It is fair to say that there are Centuries of irreconcilable differences between my family my tribe and the filthy Roman Catholic Church.  Child sex cult is more descriptive of what the Roman Catholic Church is about as evidenced by their vast pederasty prelate crimes than anything else.  Child sex cult and sex cult crimes done to men women and children in the name of God of all things.  Well I say this there is a special place in the 9th circle of hell for many Roman Catholics.  I dare say that church has more keys to hellfire than I can count.  I dare say if hellfire yawns before someone like myself then hellfire sure as hell yawns before all of mankind.  What the hell have I done to deserve such hate speech crimes.  I suggest to mankind my own species do not believe lies and deceit hell bent on destroying you for life and for all eternity.  I do not condemn a soul to hell why would I do such a thing.  I do not wish hell fire on anyone.  I am a woman of good will and as such it is my hope that mankind will attain heaven not hell.  Many today choose hell that is the sordid ugly truth.  Many choose hell over heaven by their horribly bad choices.  I hope my mother God love her attains heaven because my mother knew not what she was doing.  I let the word of God help my mother attain heaven.  I say this as the true Jesus Christ said on that mystical cross.  “Father forgive them for they know not what they do”  I let these words apply to my beloved mother my beloved deceased father may he rest in peace and my siblings all of my siblings.  For not one of us knew what the hell we were doing.  I also let the word of God convict the wicked wolves in sheep’s clothing the truly evil wicked evil doers hell bent on destroying holy innocent children in the name of God of all things.  The argument that not all prelates or priests are bad is stupid in the face of  so many wicked deeds done in the filthy Roman Catholic Church to holy innocent children.   A graver evil befell many holy innocent Roman Catholics.  I am so sorry to have to say this but it is the horrible ugly truth.  There are many decent people who go to church not just the Roman Catholic Church these are decent people filled with good will and these churches bleed their good will dry and demand their loyalty and blood sweat and tears and monetary donations.   Churches do that all the time and then destroy the holy innocent children of these same families behind their backs in the worst betrayal ever done to mankind.  A betrayal so vast it boggles the mind.  This explains why many like myself exited stage left like a bat glad to be out of hell from the Roman Catholic Church which is a portal to hell not a hospital for sinners.  Many Roman Catholics will say this “our church is not a museum for saints it is a hospital for sinners.”  I say this the Roman Catholic Church is a portal to hell from the 9th circle of hell itself full of demonic child sex cult criminal activities not limited to pederasty crimes.  Since this is a reflection a work of art and not a statement of fact as I make no claim to be an authority on a thing.  I can as a work of art in this writing express this.  After all my family felt the blows of the filth from the Roman Catholic Church in full force.  Someone from my tribe became famous and is possibly a distant relative of mine and as a young lassie in Ireland was courageous enough to rip up a picture of false Christ Pope John Paul II.  At the time she did that I was appalled and thought her behavior not fitting for our tribe.  After all we were all to love Pope John Paul II.  That man demanded the love of the Irish and was met by about a million Irish when he visited Ireland not so long ago.  Then with the help of heaven news of pederasty crimes were being revealed and innocent men and women like myself learned the heinous word from hell “pedophile” around fifteen or twenty years ago.  Many of us had no idea what the hell that word meant.  Well thanks to Pope John Paul II and the Roman Catholic Church the world now knows the meaning of the word from the 9th circle of hell “pedophile”.  A vile horribly disgusting word.  I now salute the woman from my tribe who took courage and ripped up that picture of wicked Pope John Paul II.  I salute her and wish her well.  After all part of her story is the same as my story and that of so many Irish boys and girls.  That woman was accessed for abuse as a little girl in Ireland and the abuse was not stopped.  Small wonder she had a mind to rip up a picture of a man dressed in white posing as holy and good when he was more anti Christ than anything good.  Ireland has had to come to terms with mass graves and massive crimes done in the name of God to holy innocent children spanning centuries of abuse.  I personally visited the mother baby home in Tuam.  I personally set foot on mass graves in Ireland hidden on private property with permission.  It is not possible to fathom the depths of the depravities of the crimes done by the Roman Catholic Church in the name of God of all things until you have set foot on one of their many mass graves.  Mass graves of buried infants holy innocent children called evil for the crime of being born and not “baptized”.  That is the abuses that went on in Ireland.  These filthy Roman Catholic priests and nuns raped our sons and daughters in Ireland and called what was good evil the holy innocent babies and what was evil these nuns and priests good.  The Roman Catholic Church calls themselves good and boasts incessantly about how wonderful they are and puts one another on pedestals all the time.  Meanwhile their children are destroyed by pedophiles while the parents boast about how wonderful their Roman Catholic Church is.  That is the epitome of insanity.  Insanity at its finest.  The popes of the Roman Catholic Church are more like the emperor in the Hans Christian Anderson tale of the Emperor’s new clothes.  With the help of heaven the papacy is now being revealed for what it is a naked Emperor too full of himself to know he is naked before mankind.  His wickedness is being revealed for all to see like it or not.  As a work of art I can express this in this reflection as I make no claim to be an authority on a thing.  If ya don’t like this reflection then x out of it and move on.  I sure as hell don’t like child rape child abuse or man rape or woman rape which goes on in the Roman Catholic Church all the time.  How Roman Catholics can live with themselves is beyond me.  I am glad I no longer have to live with abusive Roman Catholics after all that is all I got was abuse and hate and hate speech crimes.  I let the word of God convict Roman Catholics and all the wicked wolves in sheep’s clothing and all false idol idolaters.  That is their reward for ever daring to condemn a woman like me to hell.  I let the toxic shame I endured for years and the toxic shame endured by my tribe my Irish nation return one billion fold to its source the filthy dirty rotten Roman Catholic Church a church that loves to hate women like me for the crime of being part of an ancient Israeli tribe.  The tribe of Dan.  To all my readers thank you for reading this and know this.  After I got the hell out of the portal to hell known as the Roman Catholic Church I started doing much better and thriving more.  This is my story my testimony as a work of art in this reflection.  I remain Christian in my core values an beliefs and my good news is that vile crimes done to my humanity in the name of God never destroyed my authentic Christian faith.  I remain a woman of God a woman of good will and a woman to contend with in the face of my foes.  I say that whimsically in this reflection after all I am very small and really not much at all.  I pray the following for all authentic Christians the elect mentioned in sacred scriptures may you be given the following graces.  The strength of nations from Israel from the tribe of Jacob to this very day.  I pray for the strength of nations the strength of the children who grew up in heaven destroyed in the dark who make up the cloud of witnesses in heaven.  I so pray for their strength to help us all on earth.  Heaven help us all.  I do believe that only heaven can help us now.  I can say that too in this reflection as a work of art…As a thank you for reading this reflection enjoy my song titled Strength Of Nations which is a prayer in song that I wrote praying for strength the strength of nations….