I Lean Against Love – A Reflection

This poem titled I Lean Against Love was authored by Akiane kramarik at age 9 in her book titled My Dream Is Bigger Than I – Memories of Tomorrow – Part Three Page 88.  “You will need your own copy of this book to view the full text of this poem.  I limit quotes for the purpose of discussion and to follow copyright guidelines that allows for limited quotes.”

This Poem titled I Lean Against Love consists of four stanzas with four lines each.  The photograph I choose for this reflection is of myself and my son during our time in Portugal…I love the water falling in the background which to represents tears that flow when love hurts…False love hurts and false love is always a loosing game.  I was a victim of false love that resulted in rape…I am grateful I have my son…Rape goes on in different forms…The man who raped me was ten years older than me and was my spiritual director of all things…A man that I trusted to guide me spiritually ended up using coercion under false love to coerce me into having sex with him…While that false love was terrible it really was horrible it was awful…I have a beautiful boy to nurture and raise which is the only good that came from that horrible man…I do not raise my child to hate his father because while his father hated me…I was naive and I actually loved my son’s father…I truly loved that bad man…False love hurts and I say fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me…There will never be a twice…I will now discuss Akiane’s poem titled I Lean Against Love… I love the first stanza which opens with these words “It seems to me that each time dandelions are braided into a wreath their heartbeats show up.”  I will skip the second stanza to encourage my readers to purchase your own copies of Akiane’s book online.  Also to follow copyright guidelines that allows for limited quotes for purposes of discussion.  The third stanza says “When I trip over the past and dive into a future ocean I lean against love”  The last stanza asks the question “Why then am I standing here blowing each dandelion puff away from me?”  To appreciate this profound poem in its entirety you will need to purchase your own copy from Akiane online.  To me the reader this poem speaks to the great love of God our creator.  I do believe there is a God.  There has to be a God a creative genius behind this mighty frame.  Otherwise our existence makes no sense even to the most intelligent scientists.  For example the study of quantum physics reduces the student to a conundrum.  Quantum physics students are forced to conclude the following that in the study of dust particles and tiny matter including the travel between time and space of tiny dust particles that no mathematical equation can capture this.  This explains the unfinished math equations left behind by many a quantum physics student.  The study of matter in particular tiny particles that makes up all matter cannot be quantified in limited math equations.  What this tells me is that we were created from the dust so our bodies made of flesh and bones are from the dust.  We arose from the dust by the word of God and we shall return to the dust at the appointed time.  Our bodies are physical matter and we also have brains.  We are also spiritual people and many people experience the spiritual in their own unique ways.  Such as trusting your gut when inspired to check on your elderly loved one only to find your beloved elderly loved one forgot to turn off the water at the kitchen sink and so you saved the day by preventing a flood and by trusting your gut instinct.  Gut instinct is scientific too but is often linked to the spiritual.  This also explains why the animal kingdom can sense if a person is good or bad.  Dogs are excellent at recognizing good in people and badness in people.  If a dog is afraid of a person chances are high that person is awful.  Though this is not always the case.  To be fair many people are also afraid of dogs due to traumatic experiences with dogs in their youth.  So for this reason dogs sense fear or trepidation in people like this which also repels the animal.  In that case the person is not bad it is simply fear of being harmed again that is the driving force behind why that person is afraid of dogs.  We all lean against the love of our eternal creator whether or not we choose to believe a creator exists we all lean against the love of this vast universe created by a creative genius whose intelligence far surpasses our own limited intelligence.  As I continue to sing sacred scriptures many of the chain of events in mankind’s history to the present day were prophesied or foretold in sacred scriptures.  To me sacred scriptures are like a time clock that showcase the nature of fallen man.  Sacred scriptures hold within them the keys to true happiness or horrible destruction.  The choice is mankind’s to make.  The choice to be good or bad was always within the grasp of mankind due to free will.  Our creator invites us to lean upon his love and to make good choices.  Many do make good choices and many make horribly bad choices.  Also, a lot of false love abounds today.  False love comes in many forms.  In the animal kingdom a bad human being can present a dog with lots of love and affection and treats and once that dog is in the grasp of this loving person a bad person can turn on a dime and then harm that trusting dog thus destroying the dog’s ability to trust ever again.  This explains why animals also suffer post traumatic stress disorder and often have nightmares.  Those who rescue animals from abusive situations not limited to dogs have witnessed trauma based responses in the animals they rescue.  It is horrible to witness but over time animals who are rescued from abuse can get better and often thrive.  Human beings are no different.  Human beings have been abused horribly by other human beings wolves in sheep’s clothing.  Consequently, many human beings are damaged from years of abuse.  Many human beings have trauma based responses and often experience complex post traumatic stress disorder also known as CPTSD or PTSD which is post traumatic stress disorder.  False love is a losing game and too many fall into the snares and pitfalls of false love.  Not one of us today can claim to be perfect and I include myself in this statement.  The most perfect among us are our children who are the least among us.  Yet it is our children the least among us who are the greatest in heaven for it is their angels who always see the face of God.  I say this based on sacred scriptures found in the new testament where the true Jesus Christ reminds us that the children are innocent and their angels always see the face of God.  I was recently inspired to write the following creative writing piece titled Carnal Eyes.  In this peace I am honest about my own frailties and faults.  Now this is a creative writing peace so the I or you can mean anyone.  This piece is not meant for one person at all.  This is simply a mystical creative writing peace inspired by my own life experiences.  My creative writing peace is in quotes.  I will leave you to read my creative writing piece titled Carnal Eyes and my hope is that the reader will understand the wisdom behind not trusting our Carnal Eyes.  At the end of this piece you will find my latest silly song titled Carnal Eyes.  I let the word of God convict fallen men and women with Carnal Eyes, myself included.

Carnal Eyes

“You undress me with your carnal eyes still it comes as a surprise when I undress you in reply with my own carnal eyes.  So you run from me in fear in shamed disgrace a toxic shame that’s yours not mine to own.  With your carnal mouth you speak lies and deceit and you deny that you undressed me with your carnal eyes.  Ears are filled with lies and deceit and tears flow from the words that you speak.  Your carnal mouth does not know what it says for your heart is lost to toxic shame.  So you partner with woman who controls and bosses you around a woman who abuses you and tells you that you are not sound.  Nothing you do is ever good enough for the woman with whom you lie.  So you continue to undress me with your carnal eyes.  Transparency is impossible amidst a web of lies for you weaved your own web within which you lie.  One day you realize one woman before your eyes a woman you undress with your carnal eyes.  This woman understands you more than you understand yourself this woman shows you respect and ignores your carnal eyes.  You know you got inside this woman’s head what you don’t know is what lies beneath her own carnal eyes.  Years of sorrow years of hurt years of pain and being treated like dirt.  Taught this carnal woman not to trust her own carnal eyes.  For this woman to trust her own carnal eyes would be to live a lie in a web of pain and deceit.  This woman walks alone living in the truth that she is happier alone than living carnal lies.  She knows this man got inside her head and she does not mind at all.  For she too has undressed him with her own carnal eyes.  This woman knows she is no better than the man with carnal eyes.  This woman knows her place amidst a web of lies.  So in her quiet moments when tired and spent from her busy days she allows herself a visit from the man with carnal eyes.  To the man with carnal eyes this might come as a surprise that the woman you undressed with your carnal eyes has done the same to you with her own carnal eyes.  We are more alike you see which may come as a surprise after all men and women often live through carnal eyes.  So this woman though alone lives a carnal lie for she allows a visit from the man with carnal eyes.  A visit in the form of dreams forming a tapestry of a secret life of kaleidoscopic lies.  For the man with carnal eyes is too afraid to tell her that he has undressed her so many times he has lost count.  The woman with carnal eyes is too afraid to tell him that she has done the same with her own carnal eyes.  Our nature is both the same and we are no different after all.  We are all afraid of our own carnal eyes.  This kind of fear is good and healthy for you see to live a lie amidst the web of carnal eyes is to live a pipe dream.  When the man with carnal eyes is handsome and sweet a woman with carnal eyes does not mind the treat of a visit to undress her beneath the canopy of dreams in a tapestry of life built on kaleidoscopic dreams.  To the man with carnal eyes this may come as a surprise that the woman you undress with your eyes has done the same to you many times.  The keys to her success is how well she hides her love and her ability not to trust her own carnal eyes.  For carnal eyes tell us what we want to hear and carnal eyes tell us what we want to believe.  For this very reason it is wise never to trust our own carnal eyes.  The man of my dreams changes from time to time.  After all I am blissfully single and have no idea if a man of my dreams thinks of me at all.  My truth is my truth and I am no different than you except that I have learned as you have not to trust my own carnal eyes.  False love is a losing game and many couples suffer in webs of deceit lies and pain all of their own making.  Strong couples understand this well and work hard at their unions.  Strong couples know not to trust their own carnal eyes and to make what they already have work despite the lies.  What lies beneath strong couples is a love that is pure a love that overcomes even the most obscure.  The obscurity of carnal eyes and carnal lies and deceit is a love that overcomes despite the heat.  The heat of negative people nasty friends false friends.  The heat of verbal abusers who do not want to see a happy end.  A good woman though she herself be carnal too.  A good woman respects herself and others based on a love that is greater than any carnal eyes.  A good woman is no different than a good man.  It is love that makes the difference between the carnal eyes and the lies.  A good man would not mind a woman with carnal eyes but this good man would not trust his own carnal eyes and is wise to not allow his own carnal eyes to deceive him into believing the woman with carnal eyes.  To live in our own truth is much greater and far better for us too.  Than to live in a world of lies brought about by carnal eyes.  If a couple has lost their love and if abuse is on the rise then tis not carnal eyes that is the problem it is the lies of false love.  No couple should ever stay in a union that is false or a union that is abusive for this union will drag you down and cost you centuries of sorrow.  For couples who have a mutual respect and who build each other up despite carnal eyes.  Your strength is your love which over comes it all despite carnal eyes that affects us one and all.  It is for this I write for I have learned my lesson never to trust my own carnal eyes never mind a man with carnal eyes.  You see I am no different than anybody else we are all the same.  It is knowing that we are all the same and knowing I am small.  Knowing that I don’t mind a man who is tall and handsome to look on me with carnal eyes.  For I know who I am and what I am about and no amount of looking with carnal eyes will change this.  So do not be surprised oh man with carnal eyes when I look away from your undressing stare.  I do this out of respect I do this out of love for a good woman knows how to love.  A good woman knows not to trust her own carnal eyes and a good woman knows to stay away from the man with the carnal stare.  Sure tis ok for a man to get inside me head tis not ok for that man to get into my bed.  A good woman knows how not to trust herself and her own carnal eyes which is why she looks away from the man with carnal eyes.  So in the quiet moments do not be surprised if this good woman allows a dreamy visit from the man with carnal eyes.  We are all dreamers which is why I say I always stay away from my own carnal eyes.  While a man may look on me and undress me with his eyes this man would never have a place in my heart or where I lie.  Save dreams and kaleidoscopic tales in a tapestry of life full of carnal eyes.  You see I cannot control what men do with their eyes.  I can only control how I handle man with carnal eyes. To all couples strong in their holy love I admire what you have and respect you for it too.  For women like myself I prefer to live in the truth knowing I am left with nothing but dreams in a land of carnal eyes.” Authored by Sulamitess Twelve a.k.a. ATR