Part III — “…Each sincere confession is an identity mission…” Akiane – Age 9

This quote “…Each sincere confession is an identity mission…” by Akiane is the quote used on page 77 of her book titled My dream is bigger than I …Love is never alone… Memories of Tomorrow.  This is the opening page to start Part III of Akiane’s book of prose.

The photograph I choose for this post is of a memorial stone I discovered on the grave of a child.. The grieving family left this beautiful thoughtful memorial stone on that grave and the words on it really moved me…You can read those words yourself from the photograph…Akiane’s quote “Each sincere confession is an identity mission”…is so profound in and of itself.  Seven words written by a girl aged nine impressive and astounding.  There is a common saying that goes like this:   “out of the mouths of babes” meaning the children.  Akiane has stunned the world with her creative genius in both her impressive paintings which you the reader can search on line separately and her prose which I write reflections about.  Akiane inspired me the reader of her prose to write reflections about her poems.  Akiane’s work has inspired millions around the world myself included.  To me the reader of this profound seven word quote.  It is so true that when we are honest with ourselves and others our identities become more pure and more holy good and decent.  When we are unable to be honest with ourselves and others this shows and as such we are then identified in the eyes of many as liars and deceivers.  So many of us myself included are guilty of deceiving ourselves.  I speak now about myself here.  I was for many years a compulsive gambler.  My gambling was a serious problem because I was spending household money on useless gambling.  My gambling problem was an emotional problem emotional in nature.  I was a holy mess a new mother lost in many respects and so my gambling prior to becoming a new mother and for a time after becoming a mother was for me an escape.  My gambling was how I escaped from the reality of the stressful events in my life.  I was to be fair very sad that I was alone a single mother on my own.  I had a difficult time coping with this reality which remains my reality to this day.  Out of what I like to call holy fear of losing my child and my family.  I sought help for my gambling addiction.  I got treatment and went to a 30 day rehab program for my gambling.  To all the wonderful men and women who helped me along the way many who belong to organized religion who are decent people.  Thank you kindly for your help and your good will and goodness to me and my family.  Your goodwill shall  never be forgotten by myself and the God of life the God of my understanding. I say this because I no longer subscribe or belong or identify myself with any organized religion whatsoever.  That is my choice and my God given right.  Many respect me though many to this day show me great disrespect and as such they get nowhere with me.  I simply cut them off at the pass as they have no business telling me how to live my life.  For far too long now false Christ cults have dictated to me and my family how to live our lives and how we should act.  Well for me anyway those days are gone.  No one tells me how to live and act anymore.  Since I remain Christian in my core values and beliefs I am free then to sing the scriptures which I do as a work of  art of the God of life.  No organized chaotic religion has power over me anymore and I thank the God of my understanding for this great freedom.  A freedom I fought tooth and nail for and a freedom I will never ever give up.  So many of us are deceived into believing that to attain heaven we must be part of something belong to something which means many believe they need to join some church any church.  Well I do not belong to any church and I intend to stay this way the rest of my born days.  No church for me I am now officially unchurched.  Thanks be to the God of my understanding.   Wicked people understand that as human beings we all have a desire a need to belong.  This is natural and very normal and healthy.  However, we must never ever compromise our core values mine being Christian in nature to join false Christ cults with wicked agendas of crimes done in the dark just so we can say we belong to something.  I draw the line there and will never join a church ever again regardless of the denomination I am done with earths false Christ churches and their claims that their church is the best church or the one with the so called “keys to heaven”.  Never have I seen so much garbage in my life of so called preachers filled with diabolical pride pontificating mind you on faith and morals of all things meanwhile many of these creeps rape boys and girls men and women and get women like me pregnant along the way.  Wow, I was very naïve for a time and very unsuspecting.  Those days are gone.  Thanks be to the God of my understanding.  These same creeps have women who are members of their cults who tell women like me that I should never have any more children.  Well last time I checked that is not Christian that is satanic pure evil.  Abraham would like me to be fruitful and multiply and last time I checked the God of life told mankind to “be fruitful and multiply”.  No where in sacred scriptures does it say you should never ever have children or you should limit the births of the quiver of your loins.  I am glad I got away from satanic ritual abuse found in many organized false Christ sex cults today many of which are in reality nothing but the worst of the worst child sex cults. This again is simply my opinion and since the unborn child has been reduced to nothing but an opinion to be disposed of like trash in legalized abortion on demand.  Then I sure as hell can express my own opinion on the absurdities found in many organized religions across the board these days.  With their many money laundering schemes and horrible character attacks on anyone who dares oppose them and their horrible wicked diabolical agendas.   Now back to the subject of rehab.   Many need to go to rehab from the abuses done to them in organized religions which I call organized chaotic verbal abuse and brainwashing at best.  Again just my opinion as a work of art.  I have every right to express myself and how I feel about bull crap of the highest order found in most organized religions today.  I wish others would go to rehab as I did.  Amy Winehouse was one of the best singers that ever lived.  What a raw talent Amy Winehouse was.  Amy was encouraged to go to rehab for alcohol addiction not sure if Amy had drug addiction but alcohol addiction was a problem for Amy Winehouse.  Amy penned a famous song singing how she was in control and that she did not need to go to rehab.  Hence her famous no to rehab song.  I say no to organized religion and I have written a song about how satisfying it is to say no.  Saying no is very satisfying however saying yes to Rehab especially when needed is a good thing.  The tragedy is this had Amy Winehouse listened to those around her who truly cared about  her and gone to rehab the world would still be blessed by Amy Winehouse’s incredible talent.  I myself did go to rehab for 30 days for my gambling when my child was very young.  I did this for my family and for myself.  I also started going to twelve step meetings.  While in recovery for my gambling I decided not to drink alcohol out of holy fear of becoming dependant on alcohol.  So I was made welcome at local AA meetings as well.  I even got to know folks in recovery from drug addiction and I was made welcome at NA which is narcotics anonymous as well though I never abused drugs I was made welcome all the same since all that is required for twelve step programs is the desire not to drink use drugs or gamble.  I tell you this I got a lot out of my twelve step fellowship.  I met wonderful awesome people along the way from all walks of life.  Preachers pastors and one pastor in particular really inspired me.  He was an elderly man in his late 80’s if he was a day.  He since passed away may he rest in peace.  That good man decided he needed to change for the better and quit his gambling habit.  So he joined twelve steps much later in his life.  That man inspired me in so many ways.  You see I will be 47 years old soon and many of us are told as we grow older that we can become set in our ways and as such it is not possible for us older folks to change.  I cannot wait till I am 55 years old and older to qualify for my senior discounts.  Anyway, I am here to tell you that we can all change no matter how old we are.  Change is possible for all of us regardless of our age group.  The older man whose name I do not mention due to the anonymity of twelve step programs quit his gambling later in life.  To this day this older pastor inspires me to never give up on changing for the better.  Change for the better is good for all of us.  Now I must tell you that as I type this reflection I just grabbed my cuppa joe or coffee to take a sip and missed the mark and spilled coffee all over my white shirt and summer skinny white jeans.  I say this to say that life is not perfect life is not easy and life is not a bed of roses even for the best of us.  In the past I would be upset I spilled my coffee on my nice outfit.  Today I am sitting with a coffee stained shirt and I care not if my coffee leaves a stain.  I soldier on writing my blog and hope for the best when I throw my clothes in the wash later today.  I have a routine now that I never had in my youth and college years.  I write on my blog regularly now amongh other daily duties to keep me very busy and out of trouble.  For those of us experienced from our rehab and our recovery programs from addictions mine being gambling.  We learn that to cope we must keep ourselves very busy and go to recovery meetings as often as possible to stay clean.  I went to twelve step meetings for years.  I would suggest twelve step meetings for all walks of life everyone can learn from the simplicity of the twelve step programs of recovery.  I reverently and fondly call twelve steps the kindergarten of spirituality for many of us who were systemically abused by false Christ religions and horrible false Christ religious folks whose verbal abuse crimes would turn many a stomach.  I learned more from my twelve step programs of recovery than anything in the false Christ child sex cult that I got out of.  Thank God I got out of it.  I was indoctrinated in this vicious horrible cult from my childhood on up and I had a snowballs chance in hell of succeeding at anything in life.  After all I was told I was no good useless good for nothing and I was verbally physically and sexually abused as a little girl.  No wonder then that despite completing six years of college which was remarkable for me.  That I myself went on a bad road for a time which included my gambling problem.  It is remarkable that I learned how to cope got myself better with the help of years of counseling from wonderful counselors and years of twelve stepping in the twelve step programs I was made so very welcome in.  I was sure to avoid the 13th step at all costs which is a joke in 12 steps.  That meant I did not date full stop and did not get involved with other male members.  To this day I do not date.  I was made more welcome in twelve step programs of recovery than anywhere else.  Oh how I wish and I am certain that many others like us wish that Amy Winehouse and others like her would have gone to rehab like the rest of us in recovery did.  What Akiane writes in her quote is so true when we can be brutally honest with ourselves we can then be honest with others and as such become more holy good and decent along the way and also be more fully human at the end of the day.  The twelve step programs I attended helped me to become more brutally honest about myself and about what I had become from my life of gambling.  I shed many a tear as I came to terms with my own horrible behaviour which helped me to grow personally spiritually and emotionally and helped me to become a better human being at the end of the day.  I have so much respect for the younger generation growing up these days the 25 year old youth who have their lives sorted out.  I admire these youths who do not make the same mistakes so many of us older folks made.  Many young people today have figured out at a much younger age too that they do not need to impress anyone and that it is ok to just be yourself.  I will be 47 soon and it took me years to get to that point.  For years I was indoctrinated with the false belief that I was no good and useless good for nothing.  Amy Winehouse sang a famous song where she sang that she is no good.  To Amy Winehouse and to all indoctrinated like I was with the false belief that you are no good.  This tide has to turn and change because we are all created lovely and good no matter what side of the tracks we come from.  Many who are poor are criminalized for the crime of being poor and many wealthy snot nosed folks believe they can do as they like with their filthy money including buying unjust laws and living horribly bad lives themselves.  The double standard of the wealthy verses the simplicity of the poor whose dignity far surpasses the horrible misconduct of many a wealthy swine.  I say this because I have experienced horrible mistreatment simply because I am not wealthy which is bull crap of the highest order.   I prefer to be poor and dignified than to become wealthy and be corrupted by money to become no better than swine like so many wealthy pigs today.  These wealthy pigs abuse their wealth to buy unjust laws and to attack the characters of anyone who dares oppose them and their wicked agendas.  These are the back pigs of the modern age whose wealth is gotten by ill gotten corrupt gains and who will be called to task by the God of life on the day of judgment or contention.  When I say black pigs I do not mean race or skin color race has nothing to do with corruption and wealth as both corruption and wealth crosses all cultural and race barriers and many borders too with their heinous vicious criminal trespassing crimes so vast it would make your head spin.  Moving along on the subject of  vile indoctrination by those hell sent and hell bent on occult practices.   Then I was indoctrinated with the false belief that I should marry.  Then when I became a single mother thanks to coercive rape via coerced sex with a horrible man.  I was then told that I should not have any more children by horrible people in the false Christ cult I was once a part of.  I was treated like garbage because I am not rich or wealthy.  I was treated like it is a crime to be poor and that if I got pregnant again I would be pressured by many false Christ pseudo Christians to abort my baby or give my baby up for adoption.  I already experienced this heinous abuse the first time I was pregnant.  To top it off I was pursued for sex by horrible men in the cult I was once a part of.  These men are supposedly married to a deity a God of their understanding and as such are not supposed to have sex with women.  These creeps are scumbags of the highest order and many of them get women like myself pregnant.  I had to report one of them and he has since either been removed or left.  I make no claim as to his status as this cult is notorious for covering up their large scale vast crimes against the humanity of men women and children.   Therefore, I make no claim to explain why that man left his post all I know is they announced he is not preaching for now.  The attacks on my character were so vicious that I have a genuine harrassment case should I decide to purue that case I could do so.  For me as an adult suvivior of the fallout of systemic abuse in Ireland and the USA.  To me the best revenge or vengeance is to live my own life my own simply happy life and to not give creeps like that any more space in my head.  This is what I have learned to do very well now.  I consider myself a mandatory reporter anyway and we all really should consider ourselves mandatory reporters.  I was for a time a mandatory reporter in my line of work.  I remain a mandatory reporter.  I will report any concerns red flags or suspicions of child abuse or neglect that I witness so help me God.  More and more people are now becoming more aware of the signs of child abuse and neglect and making reports.  There is a rise in statements being made to the local police now where many organized religions are guilty of harrasing and damaging men women and children with their verbal hate speech crimes and other crimes such as money laundering and demanding their members give them money by using guilt and coercion as a means to get money from their members.  More and more people are waking up to this cult like activity and are no longer tithing as a result.  After all tithes are very cult like and are a demand for money that is not necessary and often those who tithe do so out of pressure to tithe and often their generous giving goes unaccounted for and often their tithes are abused and misused to buy unjust laws such as the heinous statute of limitations so common around the world today.  The statute of limitations is an unjust bunch of crap purchased by the corrupt wealthy pigs who guilted their followers into giving them bucket loads of money – money then used to purchase diabolical unjust laws so as to systemically deny or obstruct justice for their victims.  That statute of limitations is and of itself a vile obstruction of justice.  This is just my opinon and I am entitled to my opinion like everyone else is.  On the day of reckoning or contention as mentioned in sacred scriptures also known as the day of judgment by many.  I wonder how many will be in a state of total shock when their inablity to be honest with themselves and others is revealed for all to see with the help of heaven.  To all who read my reflections thank you kindly for reading these and for giving me a voice.  So many today are systemically categorically silenced it is nice for one so small as I from the tribe of  Dan to be given a voice via these reflections.  My hope is that my small voice will become a loud cry for justice for children in particular both born and unborn.  Heaven help us all in particularly the lost.  “…Each sincere confession is an identity mission…” Akiane age 9.  I  leave with a link to my silly song titled No.  My work of art my expression in the form of song of how satisfying saying no to bad things can be at times and as a gentle reminder too that saying yes to rehab and other good things is A-OK!!!  Enjoy my silly song titled No!!!….Here…..