The Shapelessness – A Reflection

This poem titled The Shapelessness was authored by Akiane kramarik at age 8 in her book titled My Dream Is Bigger Than I – Memories of Tomorrow – Part Two Page 69.“You will need your own copy of this book to view the full text of this poem. I limit quotes for the purpose of discussion and to follow copyright guidelines that allows for limited quotes.”

This poem The Shapelessness consists of five stanzas the poem opens with two lines then follows with three stanzas eight lines each and ends with two lines.  The photograph I choose for this reflection was taken by myself in Ireland it is of a lake or a stream in County Mayo…This photo shows the shapelessness of nature which flows naturally yet is shapeless at times…I will now discuss Akiane’s amazing poem titled The Shapelessness…I am astounded by Akiane’s gift of prose at such a tender young age.   Not only this but the subject matter is so profound that I am in awe of Akiane’s writing ability at such a young age.  This poem is lyrical prose and in this poem a child compares itself to a graceful antelope.  A few sentences in this poem describes the profound reality that children today have no rights in particular children in their own mother’s wombs.  Children in the womb are no longer safe or protected by the laws of the land in most nations.  To better understand these reflections it is best to order your own copy of this spectacular prose to follow along from Akiane online.  There are a number of online options for purchasing Akiane’s books.  The third stanza is very profound when the child says “in my eyes I cannot see? When sight gets displaced the shape of shapelessness is me. I do not own myself”.  Wow, to me the reader of this prose the I in this poem is the child lamenting that it does not own itself.  The last line says it all as well. The poem ends with these words “Next to a graceful antelope I stand deformed”.  To me the reader the child is lamenting that they were aborted too soon.  This child is one of billions of children in the womb not allowed to live over the years.  Abortion on demand has grown exponentially in the  Western world and abortion on demand has gone on for a very long time now.  Abortion on demand has resulted in the senseless slaughter of billions of helpless children.  All in the name of “choice”.  The child is right when it says in this poem “I do not own myself”.  Children in the womb have no rights their rights to be birthed are not protected and the laws of the land in almost all nations allow for the senseless slaughtering of these children like lambs waiting to be slaughtered.  As I finish this reflection I think of the billions of children no longer with us who could have made the world a better place.  My own child is growing up not meeting friends he would have met if they were not aborted.  I myself grew up deprived of meeting boys and girls whom our creator had plans for due to abortion on demand.  Contraception is also responsible for annihilating countless children because contraception functions as an abortifacient.  Contraception prevents conception which is heinous and horrid but many times conception does occur unbeknownst to the couple.  Due to a hostile womb environment from the hormones in the Contraception the womb is now hostile and the newly conceived child cannot implant for that tiny seed to become an embryo and continue to grow in the safety of the womb of the mother.  Consequently, the tiny child newly conceived is washed out in the blood of a miscarriage of justice.  No justice for the children and the mothers often have no idea of the number of miscarriages they experience while on contraception.  A miscarriage at the very early stages of conception is not easily noticed for the child was simply conceived but could not implant and is washed out in a pool of blood.  For women who have suffered actual miscarriages of children in their wombs who could not thrive and were lost.  These women understand that often a large amount of blood is lost during a miscarriage.  For many women who suffer a miscarriage this is a dreadful event and causes many mothers great sorrow that their helpless child they were welcoming into the world in holy love was washed out in a pool of blood.  Mother’s who suffer miscarriages understand this well.  Abortion on demand and contraception are forced miscarriages and are a miscarriage of justice.  No justice for the children for the unborn child no longer has any rights in our world.  It is so true that the child does not own itself.  Many women shout from the rooftops it is their bodies their choice.  Forgetting that their choice to have sex with a man or to become pregnant regardless of the method of fertilization involves three people.  The woman the man and the child they conceive.  Many women forget this.  Many women falsely believe that their bodies are to be used for fun like sex toys much like a musical instrument for pleasure except that pleasure comes at a great price.  Many women do not understand that sex comes with a great deal of responsibility.  To be sexually active is to take on a huge responsibility.  Contraception to many women represents freedom to be promiscuous to be free with their bodies to allow their bodies to be used for pleasure with no consequences.  Sad to say the fallout of this is massive.  Many women are dying of diseases caused by STD’s such as Human Papilloma Virus which causes Cervical Cancer.  Many women are dropping like flies due to Cervical Cancer.  Sad to say a good woman can have sex with one wrong partner and die the death of Cervical Cancer from human papilloma virus.  Many women and men are decent yet are unfortunate to untie with a partner who carries a deadly STD.  Often times their partners may be just as innocent in that how they got the STD can be innocent as well.  I say this to make clear that many men and women are decent and simply want to be happy and settle down with a partner and have a family.  Sad to say the contraception mentality the mentality of not wanting children or limiting the births of children has led to the annihilation of whole nations.  Men and women dying of horrible STD’s including various forms of cancer.  Cancers linked to the use of contraception in various forms.  This affects the men as well.  Sacred scriptures say that “the wages of sin is death”.  Now, mankind can justify and rationalize anything.  My goodness this is how laws of the land exist that allow for abortion on demand under the euphemism “choice”.  Many women on contraception or who have a history of contraception suffer horribly and end up dying too soon from complications due to the contraception.  Contraception is linked to strokes in women who have other high risk habits such as smoking and drinking and women with no high risk habits develop the very high risk habit of consuming contraception which is high risk in and of itself never mind other vices.  What our modern society now has is a culture of death a pact with death.  Is sex really worth death?  Is sex really worth the trouble and bother of popping a poison pill or other forms of poison to prevent conception?  The God of life made sex pleasurable to encourage his creatures to “be fruitful and multiply” [Genesis]  The God of life made sex pleasurable for this purpose.  The God of life also made child birth painful for women as their reward for Eve’s fall.  Now for those of us who do not believe there is a God a creator then disregard what I say here about the scriptures.  Focus instead on the scientific facts.  Scientifically speaking our bodies were not made for multiple sex partners.  Our human bodies cannot handle multiple sex partners.  It may seem as though our bodies can handle all this sexual activity yet the patient load of cases of sick men and women literally dying from diseases are astounding and linked to promiscuity.  The list of cancers alone is extensive never mind the list of heart problems and Sexually Transmitted Diseases.  Also the toll on the mental health of men and women who are promiscuous is devastating.  Many women who are promiscuous are insecure and make horrible choices the same is true of the men.  Many turn to vices such as alcohol smoking cigarettes and drug use to numb their pain.  For in reality many men and women who are promiscuous are simply looking for love to love and to be loved.  Sad to say these men and women have no idea how to find a steady partner.  Consequently, they settle for a promiscuous lifestyle and the costs are devastating.  The children always suffer and this explains why the number of abortions on demand is so exponentially high around the world.  Also, many marriages today are a sham as many couples are not happy with their other half their spouses and they seek love outside their marriage.  This results in heinous affairs which is devastating to all involved.  Affairs have resulted in crimes being committed which makes the news on a regular basis.  The hidden crimes that do not make the news is the crimes of abortions on demand.  The child does not own itself and the child is viewed as nothing only something to be callously discarded in the most cruel and merciless manner possible surgical abortion on demand.  My God if adults felt some of the pain that little babies suffer during surgical abortion no matter the stage.  The pain is gruelling cruel and merciless.  The cruel and merciless slaughter of the innocents the littlest lambs is the price mankind pays for sexual freedom.  Are women really so free then?  Really is sexual freedom the ability to use our bodies for pleasure like musical instruments worth the bloodbath the frenzy of the senseless cruel and merciless torture and murder of the least among us the wee babies.  I say not.  A real woman could not do that to her child or to her self.  A real woman would not allow her body to be used only for pleasure.  A real woman would prefer to be alone and suffer the pains of being alone  than to subject her body to be used only for pleasure risking getting a terrible disease and a pregnancy she cannot handle.  A real woman understands her body knows her body and respects her body enough to know her body is truly not her own just as the children she may conceive are not their own.  A woman is a vessel a woman is a ship a woman must understand that her body is truly not her own.  The only time a woman’s body is truly her own is when she is not having sex.  Once a woman enters into a sexual relationship her body is no longer her own.  Her body is now a ship a vessel in which a seed will be implanted.  That seed will grow into a child to be birthed.  A real woman understands that when she has sex this involves three people.  This involves herself her partner and their future children.  A woman therefore cannot claim that her body is truly her own when she is having sex.  Real women understand this clearly just as real women understand that sex with the wrong partner spells death via horrible diseases.  Real women understand that marrying the wrong partner for the wrong reasons affects not only herself but the whole lineage of her family for generations to come.  A real woman understands that a bad marriage is a shipwreck to be avoided at all costs just as having affairs or being sexually promiscuous spells disaster.  Real women do not need religion in any form to understand the scientific fact that when a woman enters into a sexual relationship her body is no longer her own.  Many women do not understand this neither do they understand the gravity the enormity of the responsibilities that come with having sex.  This is why the mental health of men and women has gone down hill and why many numerous people suffer with mental health conditions such as generalized anxiety and depression to name a few.  Many seek medications for mental health conditions that could be avoided if they made better choices in their lives.  Many today are unable to accept the choices they have made and this results in a neurosis of a large scale.  We have today a society that is very neurotic with many seeking medications from the medical helping profession that is not needed.  Now I must add that mental illness is very real and yes medicine is needed and called for many times.  I am all for medicine as needed just as I support the use of the feeding tube and pain relief medication.  I also support medication for those who are genuinely mentally ill.  I am speaking about the generalized neurosis in society at large.  Many want to numb their emotional pains with medications they do not need.  This is what I am addressing.  Emotional pain is painful and I do not minimize or discount this.  I myself suffered from Post Partum Depression and I also needed medication to help me to get better.  After many years of counselling and medication.  I did get better.  I suffered from generalized anxiety and I used to go and get EKG’s done because I genuinely felt like I was having a heart attack.   The nurses were so patient and kind to me and to this day these nurses will always be in my mind angels.  Many in the medical profession are angelic in their heroic patience with all they have to contend with.  I was a single mother on my own with a wee baby.  I was not sleeping well because my child was colicky.  My child cried a lot and could only eat a small amount every few hours.  It was later discovered that my child was asthmatic which explained his colicky symptoms.  My child is growing out of his asthma symptoms and is doing very well now.  However, as a baby my child struggled with colic and I struggled.  Boy did I ever struggle I was very depressed and sad most days because I was sleep deprived.  Also, I had a horrible childhood myself and I had no idea how to be a good mother.  So I got the help I needed to get well.  I did everything the professionals told me to do to get well.  It took me a long time but I finally got better.  When my child was the age of six.  I prayed that I would lose weight so that I could be around for my child through his adult years.  I had gained so much weight as a new mother that I was now size 16 in USA sizes.  I was huge and I had no energy.  I used to be a size seven as a rule so I was now more than double my normal size.  I decided to embark on my own journey of well being.  I continued to do what I was told to get well.  I was advised not to date.  I agreed with this advise so I choose not to date. I could not handle dating anyway and my hands were already full with my own child.  Dating was the last thing on my mind.  I was advised to volunteer so I did that I volunteered at the local homeless shelter and I also volunteered as a fundraiser for local charitable events.  I was told to get a part time job.  So I did that I got a part time job. Throughout my own journey of wellness.  I started out walking.  I could not join a group of runners due to my own heavy schedule.  I was on my own with my child with no help.  So I could not meet up with groups of runners at times that suited them because I was so incredibly busy.  So I decided to join a Life Runners group and to wear their T Shirt and say their creed which I found to be very inspiring.  I did this and yes I met up with their runners on a few occasions.  However, what got me off the couch into fitness was simply getting up and doing it myself.  I had to do it on my own.  I had no choice because my schedule did not match the schedules of the group of runners.  Not one of these people offered to mind my child or to help me to meet up with them.  Many of them were narcissistic in their treatment of me and many viewed me as less than them because I am a single mother.  Many in that group were married so I simply did not fit into their world view.  This is interesting too because groups like Life Runners proclaim they are pro life and I agree with their proclamation.  I am also pro life.  Yet when it came to treating me a single mother with common decency and respect.  I got none of that.  Instead I got treated like garbage and not one of them offered to help with my child to facilitate my ability to meet up and run with the group.  I am not angry anymore about this though for a time I did indeed experience anger at how horrible they were towards me.  I did receive a lot of help over the years with my child and for this help I am very grateful.  I focus on the help I received and I focus on the hard work I did on my own to get me to the place I am at today.  I got up early in the mornings and went for morning runs.  I exercised when my child was in school or in day care and I simply did it on my own.  I started out going for walks as being so heavy I could not run at the time.   So I started out walking.  In the winter months in the USA I would walk inside the local mall.  Part of my training included starting to do sit ups and push ups.  I strengthened my core over time. A few short years later I slimmed down and lost more than 40 pounds.  The change was so dramatic that two years ago when I travelled from Ireland to the USA on hols with my son.  The airport security had to really look at me and my USA passport because in my USA passport photo I was very heavy.  That photo was taken when I was size 16 at my heaviest.  Now I was slim and looked very different.  Security said they could tell it was me after carefully examining my USA passport photo and comparing my eyes to the eyes in my photo.  That did it for me I promptly renewed my USA passport when I returned to Ireland which shows the new me.  I do feel like a whole new person as well.  I lost more than 40lbs and transformed and I am being restored to my original size which is small or size seven.  I am working on getting rid of my tummy flab these days.  I do this with exercise and simple living.  I do not spend money on vanity.  My child is 11 years old now and doing very well.  I am also thriving.  The reason I am thriving is because I do not date and I live a very simple life.  I do not have to consume a poisonous contraception pill or use birth control in any form.  I am more free than women who consume contraception.  I am free from the health concerns that come with contraception use and I am free to live my life as authentically as I can.  I live a very simple very healthy life now.  I do still have special needs that I must live with.  I have since learned how to cope with my own special needs and because of this new ability to cope.  I am thriving.  Not one of us can avoid suffering in this life.  My question is this why borrow trouble?  Why add more suffering to your plate than you already have?  Consuming contraception for sexual freedom is borrowing trouble.  No one wins in the end you have dead children who could not implant and women who are dropping like flies and dying from their history or current use of contraception.  I say why borrow this kind of trouble?  We all have enough to contend with on a day to day basis.  Why borrow more trouble?  I do not date because I know myself very well.  I cannot handle the emotional roller coaster of dating.  I would be left wondering will he call when will he call what are his intentions among other distractions.  Dating would be to me a distraction I do not need so I choose not to date because I enjoy my freedom.  My ability to live an authentic life just as I am. Many men today do not want children or if they do they want their women to limit the births of their children.  I use humour to deal with this.  My joke is I tell men why would you be interested in me?  I am very fertile like my mother was fertile.   After all my mother birthed eight of us God love her.  So I say to men do you really want to borrow trouble because I am very fertile and I refuse to take contraception.  This keeps the men away.  I find living a single life to be very fulfilling and yes there are days that I experience the pain of being lonely.  I accept this pain of being lonely as part and parcel of my life.  My life is authentic I am living in the truth my truth that is good enough for me.  I don’t need a man to feel beautiful or loved.  While finding a partner remains a lovely thought I am convinced no man wants to take on a very fertile single mother who refuses to take contraception.  Besides it is not fair to expect a man to take all of that on which is another reason why I do not date.  Sad to say many hate single mother’s and many women hate single mothers.  I experienced this hatred first hand from organized religion too.  Many women in organized religion were horribly verbally abusive to me so much so that I had to cut these nasty witches out of my life.  These women were excessively narcissistic and boastful that they had husbands and they would laugh in my face about my inability to find a spouse.  The reality is this.  If I wanted to go out and get married I suppose I could find some poor slob to do the job.  I do not hate men I respect men too much to ask this of them.  It is not fair of me to ask a man to take me and my child on.  That is too much to ask and I simply will not ask that of a man.  I ask nothing from men.  I simply make the best of what I have and do my best like the rest of the world.  Horrible women in organized religion love to boast about how wonderful they are how holy they are and about how blessed they are and how great they are.  Their pride is sickening and disgusting.  Many such women sabotage their own marriages for they complain about their husbands to women like me demanding my sympathy.  I feel sorry for the husbands of  many horrible women today.  In particular narcissistic women in Organized religion who are too full of themselves to allow much room for the God of life to do much good in them or through them.  I am more free to just be and to know there is a God out there a  God whose love for all his creatures is far beyond human understanding.  I declare I am woman I am beautiful I am lovely and I am beloved.  Not because I am loved by a man or a woman.  Because I am beloved of the Most High God who created me.  I do not need the adulation or adoration of a man or a woman to complete me.  I am whole and I am my own person.  I am grateful I got to this point.  It is sad to say that too many depend on others to complete them and if their partner fails in their humanity these people become angry and upset and bad mouth their partners to others.  I declare love most certainly does exist in a way not known or familiar to many today who are too full of themselves to understand the simplicity of love.  Love exists because there is a creator who created us out of love to love and to be loved.  Sad to say the words “I love you” can become fighting words when trust is destroyed or the words “I love you” come with a barrage of demands such as I love you only if you will take contraception.  Or I love you for the great sex we are having.  Or I love you for the convenience of your company because you make me look good to others.  That is not true love or real love.  Too many today are seduced by false love a false notion of what love is about and what love truly is.  For example, and this is a very simple example of love.  We have a dog.  This dog is awesome he is a wonderful dog and as I write he is lying by me taking his nap.  We love this dog very much.  There are times though when I myself am dog tired from being ill that I must walk this dog.  During those times I think I would rather not have this pet as he is a lot of work.  I do love this dog though and because I love my pet I sacrifice for my pet.  The same is true for my child.  Once I became a mother my life was no longer my own.  My life was now focused on learning how to be a good mother.  Well now that we have the dog.  The same is true.  I joke that the dog runs my life and the dog walks me the human.  I joke that if my dog could talk my dog would bark his orders such as a time for your walk human.  This dog is lovely.  Now when I took on the responsibility of minding my dog.  I did not realize right away the great responsibility owning a pet comes with.   Just like when I became a new mother I had no idea the responsibility I was now in for.  I told my 11 year old this morning that just as I am dedicated to raising my child to adulthood.  I am committed to caring for this dog no matter how annoying my duties are at times.  Some days I am buried in mountains of laundry and become annoyed with my silly meaningless chores.  Chores have meaning they all add up in the big picture.  My life is very simple very small in the big picture.  And while what I do may seem meaningless at times as most of what I do is hidden behind washing dishes cooking cleaning mountains of laundry and walking the dog and giving the dog his baths as needed.  There are times I think my life is meaningless with no purpose.  However, I do have a purpose my purpose is to raise my child to adult hood.  Our pet teaches us many things about love as well.  Our Pet is very loving and a lot of fun and always happy to see us.  I wonder if humans were as loving and kind as our pets the world would be a much better place.  To sum up.  It is not love to have sex on contraception because the children are not welcome in that union.  That is a loveless union with the sole purpose of sexual pleasure with no consequences.  Choices have consequences like it or not consequences that can last a life time and affect generations to come.  For the unborn children at risk of being aborted on demand on the chopping block of convenience under the Euphemism choice. For the unborn children newly conceived but unable to implant into hostile wombs of unsuspecting mothers on wicked contraception.   This reflection is for you…As a thank you for reading this reflection enjoy a song I wrote titled Baby India in honor of one of the few survivors of lips of wars and the war of the womb…